Carson and Christina circa TRL years.
Lots of guest artists tonight. Let's just hope it creates some awkward musical moments. But only after watching the finalists on Jay Leno. Masturbatory NBC promotion that's taking way too long. Oh good, actually performances are next.
Vicci Martinez is up first. We get to relive her flat pitch moments in sepia tones. Also, her "war dance." She's performing "Drops of Jupitor" with Train's Pat Monahan. Can we talk about my hatred of Train? So bland. So over-played. So early 2000s faux-witty lines that include "soy latte." I am fully expecting Jenna Elfman to just appear somewhere on this stage. These two sound good, but I'm so bored. SIDE HUGZ. Cee Lo is waxing poetic about his love for Vicci. I'm distracted by the sequins stripes on his Adidas jacket.
TECH GIRL, YOU'RE THE WORST. APPARENTLY HER NAME IS ALLISON.
Javier Colon is next. He's talking about his kids. Is voice is amazing. He's tearing up. Adam Levine being hot. I'm okay with this video package. OMG HE'S SINGING "LANDSLIDE" WITH STEVIE NICKS. I love that Stevie Nicks looks like she was styled by the Wiccan Emporium circa 1996. Javier providing the upper harmonies to Stevie's melody line is lovely. They are sharing a double-hand-hold eye contact moment. And Christina just readjusted her boobs. On camera. Adam is tearing up about how beautiful the duet was and how awesome Stevie Nicks and "Landslide" is. This is why Adam Levine is my The Voice boyfriend.
Beverly McClellan is next. Something about how she's the "youngest at heart" in this competition. She's singing with One Republic's Ryan Tedder. Ugh. One Republic is the worst. It reminds me of my junior year of college--which already sucked, but then my roommates listened to that band on repeat. This song, "Good life," is really boring, and these to singing random "oh"s on top of each other is kind of the worst thing I've ever heard. Christina talking about how much she loves Beverly. She is also shouting out to the other judges and calling them the big brothers she never had. Talk about awkward timing.
Dia Frampton is last. And now I'm remembering that she wore denim, skinny jeans overalls to the auditions. Blake is comparing her to his wife Miranda Lambert. Except Miranda Lambert is the awesomest and Dia is not so much. Miranda is killing her song "The House that Built Me", while Dia is breathing the song, Donna Lewis style. Gross. They sound pretty good harmonizing, though, mostly because Miranda is holding things together. Dia just doesn't suit country music. Blake is a bit emotional, and is declaring Dia as family. Carson Daly may or may not have wiped away a tear.
Can we just talk about this coach-singer relationship? It's kind of adorable. Except Christina is probably the least helpful of the coaches and comes off as a bit showy in her affection. Anyway, it's a nice element to the show.
Okay, the results. Apparently the top two were within 2% of each other. Adam is clutching his desk thing for dear life. Dia is in the top two. So is Javier. Javier is #2 on iTunes and Dia is #1. And the winner of The Voice is Javier Colon. Awww, well done. Also, exploding confetti and hugs. What a feel-good show. And Javier gives a classy thank you speech and does a "hoo!" to control his emotions.
That's it, folks. Let's see what season 2 brings us. Hopefully less Christina.