Live blogging the Voice: 6/29/11

I actually have time to do this now! Let's pretend none of us know who won last night.

Carson and Christina circa TRL years.

Lots of guest artists tonight. Let's just hope it creates some awkward musical moments. But only after watching the finalists on Jay Leno. Masturbatory NBC promotion that's taking way too long. Oh good, actually performances are next.

Vicci Martinez is up first. We get to relive her flat pitch moments in sepia tones. Also, her "war dance." She's performing "Drops of Jupitor" with Train's Pat Monahan. Can we talk about my hatred of Train? So bland. So over-played. So early 2000s faux-witty lines that include "soy latte." I am fully expecting Jenna Elfman to just appear somewhere on this stage. These two sound good, but I'm so bored. SIDE HUGZ. Cee Lo is waxing poetic about his love for Vicci. I'm distracted by the sequins stripes on his Adidas jacket.

TECH GIRL, YOU'RE THE WORST. APPARENTLY HER NAME IS ALLISON.

Javier Colon is next. He's talking about his kids. Is voice is amazing. He's tearing up. Adam Levine being hot. I'm okay with this video package. OMG HE'S SINGING "LANDSLIDE" WITH STEVIE NICKS. I love that Stevie Nicks looks like she was styled by the Wiccan Emporium circa 1996. Javier providing the upper harmonies to Stevie's melody line is lovely. They are sharing a double-hand-hold eye contact moment. And Christina just readjusted her boobs. On camera. Adam is tearing up about how beautiful the duet was and how awesome Stevie Nicks and "Landslide" is. This is why Adam Levine is my The Voice boyfriend.

Beverly McClellan is next. Something about how she's the "youngest at heart" in this competition. She's singing with One Republic's Ryan Tedder. Ugh. One Republic is the worst. It reminds me of my junior year of college--which already sucked, but then my roommates listened to that band on repeat. This song, "Good life," is really boring, and these to singing random "oh"s on top of each other is kind of the worst thing I've ever heard. Christina talking about how much she loves Beverly. She is also shouting out to the other judges and calling them the big brothers she never had. Talk about awkward timing.

Dia Frampton is last. And now I'm remembering that she wore denim, skinny jeans overalls to the auditions. Blake is comparing her to his wife Miranda Lambert. Except Miranda Lambert is the awesomest and Dia is not so much. Miranda is killing her song "The House that Built Me", while Dia is breathing the song, Donna Lewis style. Gross. They sound pretty good harmonizing, though, mostly because Miranda is holding things together. Dia just doesn't suit country music. Blake is a bit emotional, and is declaring Dia as family. Carson Daly may or may not have wiped away a tear.

Can we just talk about this coach-singer relationship? It's kind of adorable. Except Christina is probably the least helpful of the coaches and comes off as a bit showy in her affection. Anyway, it's a nice element to the show.

Okay, the results. Apparently the top two were within 2% of each other. Adam is clutching his desk thing for dear life. Dia is in the top two. So is Javier. Javier is #2 on iTunes and Dia is #1. And the winner of The Voice is Javier Colon. Awww, well done. Also, exploding confetti and hugs. What a feel-good show. And Javier gives a classy thank you speech and does a "hoo!" to control his emotions.

That's it, folks. Let's see what season 2 brings us. Hopefully less Christina.

Live blogging The Voice: 6/28/11

Final performance show!


It opens with the coaches taking the stage. The return of a Queen cover (this time with David Bowie) with "Under Pressure." Good choice, except every time Christina sings solo, Freddie Mercury's corpse cries.

Things that will be happening tonight: finalists performing with their coaches and an original song (~interesting), as well as Brad "totally endearing" Paisley, and other surprises.

Oh good, a 43958734985734985 minute recap. All you need to know is that the finalists are

Team Christina: Beverly McClellan

Team Blake: Dia Frampton

Team Adam: Javier Colon

Team Cee Lo: Vicci Martinez

Blah, blah blah. Chatting to the finalists. Chatting to the coaches. Lol, Carson Daly made a TRL reference. You're still as boring of a host 10 years on.

Cee Lo chatting about wanting more strong females. I like that. Adam and Christina are bland. Blake is darling as usual. Isn't Blake just a breath of fresh air for TV?

SHUT UP, TECHIE GIRL.

Javier Colon is up first. Rodney Jerkins is helping out with the original song. This song is entitled "Stitch by Stitch." Acoustic-tastic. Let's see if I can come up with a good pop culture formula for this song:

(The Script + Eva Cassidy)^21st Century Adult Contemporary = "Stitch by Stitch"

Judges critiques: Blake: "He's a good dude." Christina: Song suited him well. Cee Lo: "Sounds like it's your song." Adam: May or may not have gotten choked up.

Dia Frampton is duetting with Blake Shelton with "Won't Back Down." Well, it's a sufficiently bland enough song for Dia. To be fair, they're wearing shades and suits, Blues Brothers style. Dammit, this is adorable. It reminds me that sometimes Tom Petty songs are good in a driving-in-the-car sort of way. Question: Do that many guitarists in this back-up band have long hair? Solid, forgettable, cute performance.

Vicci Martinez is up next for her solo. Butch Walker is producing her single. Vicci confesses to Dashboard Confessional as her teenage guilty pleasure. She's pretty awesome. Her original song is called "Afraid to Sleep." She's carrying around the microphone stand. Pop culture analogy for the song:

(80s Heart + Pink)/Oh oh oh = "Afraid to Sleep"

Judges critiques: Adam: talking about having fun being a spectator. Invested in her performance. Apparently she has some jeans Adam gives her. Blake: Been in her pants joke. Christina: great performer. Cee Lo: "A force to be reckoned with." (Have I mentioned Cee Lo's red silk robe/tunic thing?)

Random performance of Pitbull and Ne-Yo "Give Me Everything." Pitbull is everywhere these days, including that ridiculous Jennifer Lopez song "On the Floor" that I hear at least twice per day during my commute to my internship. He's kind of an obnoxious rapper, but I love me some Ne-Yo. Except he just tried to seduce Christina. Ne-yo, you're in the danger zone.

Beverly and Christina will be performing "Beautiful." Barf. Anytime anyone performs this song and it's not in Mean Girls, I have second-hand embarrassment. Well, it wasn't that terrible. They kept things stripped down except their tacky vocals. Beverly sounded better, though.

RIDICULOUS PREVIEW FOR SOME SINGING SHOW WITH DEBORAH MESSING AND "BEAUTIFUL." FAME PART 2: THIS TIME IT'S NOT GLEE?

Dia Frampton is next. Cheesy things are said during the recording. Her song is titled "Inventing Shadows." Pop culture analogy:

(Regina Spektor x Rachael Yamagata)/The Fray = "Inventing Shadows"

In other words, vanilla as hell, but with potential to not completely suck, but it kind of is super boring.

Judges critiques: Christina: trying to pick a fight with the judges, and Blake owns her. Cee Lo: song will probably be #1 on iTunes (BECAUSE IT'S SO BORING). Adam: distracted by the dancers in the background (because he's awesome). Blake: talking trash, like a champ. Can I just vote for Blake?

LOL. Javier and Adam are singing Michael Jackon's "Man in the Mirror." Darling choice, and it'll take advantage of their high ranges. This song is so magic, and these two sound good together, although I wish they would harmonize on the chorus. Javier is totally owning Adam on the key change. I love they're both doing the "hoo!"s. Nice.

Guys, Brad Paisley is performing. I can't say I know every song he's ever written, but I always like his songs, and I'm kind of in love with him. Blake is joining in! Of course. One of these days Blake will perform next to someone and not be a foot taller than them. This is not that day.

Beverly McClellan is next. I missed who the producer is again. I've decided I don't care. Her song is called "Love Sick." It's incredible how bland all of these songs sound on first listen, but would probably all become hits. This original song bit is a fun twist to a voice performance. Pop culture formula:

Journey x Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band = "Love Sick"

Guys, this is my favorite song of the night. My classic rock tendencies have spoken, once again.

Judges critiques: Cee Lo: getting poetic. One of his favorites. Adam: it was ~fun~ Blake: "If music was crack, you would have a serious problem." Christina: work ethic and big heart.

Cee Lo and Vicci are singing Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield." I love Cee Lo's musical choices. Cee Lo looks like King Bowser. Vicci may or may not be the leader to a short of stature post-apocalyptic tribe. This is brilliant. Any time you can combine small children dancing, spikes, gritty vocals, and 80s chick rock, do it.

I don't know who to vote for. Who is your choice?

P.S. I won't be live blogging tomorrow night, but I'll post something celebrating the winner. Good night!

Reason #4327 thirtysomething is awesome

That one time Angela Bassett played Richard Cummings Jr.'s wife on season 3 episode 5, "Legacy."

The Audacity of Rock: Part 36

Reggae ghosts.

Emphasis on beats 2 and 4, creepy backing vocals, and classic horror instruments (be it organ or harpsichord).

"Ghost Town" by The Specials (1981)

There's actually some pretty interesting historical background of this song, including rising unemployment and civil unrest in the UK. Mostly, it's just an awesome song that blends unlikely genres. Seriously, Middle Eastern something with reggae, with 1950/60s horror with a mariachi(?) bridge. I'll allow it.

Not even trying to look they're performing live.

"Two Against One" by Dangermouse and Daniele Luppi starring Jack White (2011)

Apparently this whole album, Rome, was inspired by Spaghetti Westerns? Which, sure. I'm not sure of the inspiration for "Two Against One", but something by Ennio Morricone is probably a safe bet. I'm also not sure what this song is about, but probably someone with low self-esteem if his mirror is a trigger. Mostly, I just like acoustic guitar/harpsichord/surfer guitar/reggae thing going on.

Questions:

1. Do you remember the good old days before the ghost town?

2. Is Jack White in every recording studio at once? Why or why not?

Live blogging The Voice: 6/22/11

First results show live blogging. Let's see how this goes.

The last time she wore a shirt.

Carson Daly is not wearing a tie. The semi-finalists are singing some sort of George Michael medley of "Freedom '90" and "Faith". Obviously. This is delightful because, what the random? Also, all of the singers pretty good, except poor Dia and Xenia are too gentle to sound like they fit. Christina update: she's wearing a shirt with her name on it. The ladies at my internship were appalled at how fat she looked last night during the Maroon 5 /Christina song. It was both hilarious and a bonding conversation.

Will you judge me for flipping to SYTYCD during this recap? Oh wait. Stupid couple. Flipping back. Don't worry I'm "enjoying" a routine by Mandy Moore to "Addicted to Love" on SYTYCD. Why is this woman obsessed with the 80s? BTW, Debbie Reynolds is the greatest.

BACK TO THE SHOW.

Team Cee Lo is up first, Nakia and Vicci. I know everyone in the Tacoma-Seattle area is routing for Vicci. I think Carson Daly wants everyone to cry based on the ridiculously personal questions he's asking. Cee Lo is reading a letter that ends "Red 'til I'm dead." Heartfelt. He voted 51 Nakia, 49 Vicci. Apparently he couldn't hear Vicci over the drums from his seat. And adding America's votes, Vicci is the winner. Pacific Northwest!

SYTYCD update: Debbie Reynolds is singing old timey songs.

BACK TO THE SHOW.

Cee Lo is performing "Bright Lights, Bigger City." He's apparently a band leader tonight. He is also wearing some sort of 1920s?30s? wig some sweet dancers move around him. Adam Levine is laughing for some reason. At least Cee Lo has suspenders.

Apparently Adam Levine is featured on Gym Class Heroes' "Stereo Hearts." Is this a band I'm supposed to care about? Also, barf. Stop gushing.

Okay, Casey and Javier from Team Adam are up next. Adam voted 65 for Javier, 36 for Casey. Adam's rationale: wants to give Javier a better chance since Casey's such a baby. COMMERCIAL BREAK. Javier wins! Not that surprising. His voice is perfection.

Awkward video package involving Xenia being awkward around Brad Paisley. Oh, apparently it's a Blake Shelton performance. Dinner update: I'm eating reduced fat Chips Ahoy! Actually pretty good.

Dia and Xenia from Team Blake are up for elimination. I'm kind of fond of these two, even if they don't seem very versatile. Blake votes 50/50 for his girls, but America puts Dia into the finals. Look for some adorable, scoopy vocals in your future!

Team Christina's Frenchie and Beverly are next. I guess I prefer Beverly, if only because she didn't sing a dance club version of "Like a Prayer." Christina looks serious. Even her crimped hair looks almost solemn in some sort of rubbberband braid (what is that called? The Jasmine Look?). Christina voted 50/50. Boy, Adam looks kind of like a dick now. America's votes put Beverly into the final show. Fabulous. She's fun.

Carson Daly is putting a word in for all the sponsors. He is such a boring host. Why doesn't Cat Deeley host everything? Whatever. I'll see you next week.

Live blogging The Voice: 6/21/11

2 from Adam and Cee Lo are up for elimination. And who knows what else is in store for this ever-changing format show. Welcome to the semi-finals, y'all.

Nice shirt.

Oh! 8 of the semi-finalists are performing tonight as well as Blake Shelton and Maroon 5. And we're off to elimination. This is a surprisingly chipper pace.

Team Cee Lo eliminations are first. He says it's a very "sensitive moment" for him. The most votes went to Vicci Martinez. I like her sass. Well done, America. Oh. I zoned out for that entire deliberation, but Cee Lo chooses Nakia. I'll miss you Curtis, and your sleazy ways.

Team Adam eliminations are next. Javier Colon got the most votes, so he's staying around. WHO ELSE WILL STAY? I actually like all of Adam's team. Adam says "fiber of my being." Is this testimony meeting? HE CHOOSES CASEY WESTON! Aww. I'm so glad. I think Jeff will go places now that he's had some exposure. Casey's a kind of random contestant, so I'm excited for her.

What the crimpy french roll is on Christina's head? Whatever, Frenchie is first, and Christina chooses "Like a Prayer" for her to sing. Good choice. Best Madonna song ever? And if someone who can actually sing in a gospel way sings, it will be delightful.

Frenchie's Performance: Gospel choir surrounding her. Fabulous. The tempo is faster, and it sounds like a Cher circa "Believe" remix. Failure. Frenchie is a good singer, but this arrangement is kind of boring. Tacky breakdown at the end.

Judges Critiques: Cee Lo: "That's my soul sister." Adam: "I love you." Blake: something overly complimentary. Christina: talking about how much effort that performance. Fine. She was good, but that song was boring.

Nakia is going to see Adam Lambert's "Whataya Want From Me." At least Cee Lo chooses random songs that aren't overdone. Nakia is having a moment with the lyrics of the song. Tender.

Nakia's Performance: Playing the piano in a white suit: classy. Awww, yeah, the band kicks in. Stone cold sunglasses look on Cee Lo's face. Nakia starts working the stage. I'll say this, it's probably more enjoyable than Adam Lambert's rendition.

Judges Critiques: Adam has the exact same critique as I do. We are soulmates. Blake: "Freakin' award show performance." Christina: loved it. Cee Lo: Team spirit! Nakia's going to be a star!

Commercial break thoughts: The results show tomorrow is totally going to cut into my So You Think You Can Dance viewing. I just had a resurgence of my SYTYCD obsession. Oh well. They're making us watch the same 20 dancers dance again. Although they're going to kick off 4! of the dancers on Thursday. Oh my!

Dia is next and will be singing "Losing My Religion." Coach Blake says "Whippin' (kickin'?) some A." Dia going to make the band clap hands during the chorus while she's playing guitar.

Dia's Performance: When did this over-articulating each word singing style come into fashion (especially "r"s)? Anyway, she sounds good. So do those hand claps. Again, if you're going to cover a song, at least make it interesting (take note, Christina).

Judges Critiques: Christina: She's grown so much on the show. True words. Cee Lo: Likes that Blake let Dia see her ~vision~. Adam: "Atypical choice." He's a fan. Blake: A girl stood on the stage and left her heart on the stage. He says, "Gosh damn." (side note: What is with the wind machine on Dia?)

Casey Weston is next and will be singing "I Will Always Love You." At least Adam is advising her to not sing like Whitney Houston. No kidding. If you must sing like someone, Dolly Parton is always a better choice.

Casey's Performance: The wind machine is at it again. Aww, and Casey is more Dolly than Whitney. Good for her. The simple piano and violin accompaniment is lovely. Beautifully and simply done.

Judges Critiques: Blake: she blows her away every week, also she is hot. Adam: blah blah blah, they battle. Their arguments pay off.

Can I mention that I'm so glad no one hams up when their phone number is flashed on the screen, using their fingers to show us the number? WTF is that?

Maroon 5 is performing their knew song "Moves Like Jagger." This is sounding disco-licious. Also, is this the sort of person Ke$ha was singing about. Gross, Christina is singing now. Her voice is like the banana of music. There's no way to ignore that she's singing, her voice annoyingly permeates everything, much like bananas combined with anything. Good thing she has more cleavage right now. More questions: did Mick Jagger have that impressive of moves?

Beverly McClellan is next. Christina chooses "The Thrill is Gone." Does everyone play an instrument in this competition? Bev's rocking the piano right now. Christina is modelling a terrible way to squawk through the song.

Beverly's Performance: Beverly sounds pretty good, but she's getting too showy. I'm sorry. But some of these singers pull out all of the stops immediately and remove all sense of building any anticipation. Still, at least it's not millennial Cher.

note: Carson Daly is still awkward.

Judges Critiques: Cee Lo: loves her, loves how many people are musicians on the show. It's true--how cool that these people have skills. Christina: Loves Bev's bluesy, soulful side.

Javier Colon is next and talking about how terrible the music industry is. OH. "Fix You." By Coldplay. Adam's preaching melody fidelity. I just made up that phrase.

Javier's Performance: You guys, this is reminding me that I don't hate this song. It's so damn cheesy, but Javier's killing it. He's got a beautiful high range. Well done, sir. And Team Adam 4ever.

Judges Critiques: Christina: Liked it, but wanting to see a more ~soulful side. Cee Lo: Name dropping. Complimentary gibberish. Adam: blah blah blah, Javier's hat is off. Best voices he's ever heard ever. Truth.

I'm ignoring the twitter shenanigans happening right now. Now Blake Shelton is performing "Honeybee." I think I've actually heard this song on the radio. Probably when I've been flipping stations when the classic rock station is playing Rush. Seriously, Seattle? What is with so much Rush on the radio? Anyway, adorable song, adorable man, and a honeycomb motif in the background. Cute! Dia and Xenia just joined him on stage. How precious is Team Blake?

SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA TOMORROW NIGHT? Ahem. Xenia is up next. She's singing "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by Script. Is this a band I should know about? Inspirational coaching about how awesome Xenia is.

Xenia's Performance: I love her smooth little voice, and she's getting so confident. Good for her. Adam: ~uniqueness. Sleep song, but she sounded great. Christina: Xenia's maturity. Blake is a Papa Bear. One of her favorites. Cee Lo: Likes how "quaint" and "unaffected" she is by the competition. Blake: Wants to hear Xenia's voice on the radio.

Xenia's face when she was forced to hug Carson Daly was priceless.

Good news, Love in the Wild starts next week.

Vicci Martinez is going to sing "Dog Days are Over." Apparently it means to live your truth. Tender moments about her dad. Cee Lo says she wants to be healed.

Vicci's Performance: Oh snap! She's percussioning! She's giving it all she's got, unfortunately, Florence Welch from Florence + the Machine has such a distinctive and perfect voice, I can't quite get into it. It really is a song that's more about the voice than the melody, so it doesn't translate well to such an unpolished voice.

Judges Critiques: Adam: She killed it, amazing, dynamo, he loves drums. Blake: Most powerful performance of the night. That's pretty true. Christina: Great performance, loved it. Cee Lo: something about a warrior spirit and dancing to a different drummer.

The judges have to divide 100 points between their two people which will have an equal weight to America's votes. I have to give the producers this: each week is different.

Final thoughts: Anyway, I'll be pulling for Team Adam and Team Blake. I know only 1 from each will make it, but I can dream. And apparently they cap votes to 10x. So, you know, calm down. Carson is collecting envelopes from the coaches. Good night and I'll see you tomorrow.

One of the (many) questions I have after watching The Tree of Life

How are Jessica Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard not the same person?

Live blogging The Voice: 6/14/11

Alright kids, Team Adam and Team Cee Lo are up tonight, so hopefully we'll be hearing some quality/not painful performances tonight.

Blake Shelton's dreamy hair from the early 2000s.

I want you guys to know that I managed to buy the regular sweetened kind of almond chocolate milk to drink during this show. I also want you to know that Cee Lo is wearing a lot of sequins and Christina looks extra orange. First event of the evening: eliminations from last week. The lowest three voted on Christina's and Blake's teams will be up for elimination. Two will make it through to the next round.

Team Christina is first. I'm hoping Raquel or Beverly go. They're both boring. Christina is "literally so sad" about making this decision. Tears are happening. Beverly is safe. Stopped dragging this out Carson Daly. Stop trying to talk about people are feeling. This isn't therapy. To be fair, Christina sounds legitimately nervous/shaken. But we have to listen to how she feels about everyone. GET TO IT, WOMAN.

Christina chooses Frenchie to go on to the next round. 1/2 ain't bad, Christina. Apparently Blake will make his eliminations at the end of the show. The backstage chick is talking about ~emotions~ with Team Blake and other peeps. I'm bored. GET TO IT, WOMAN.

Commercial break: Colin Farrell looks like he'll be funny in Horrible Bosses. I might be in love with him now (I know, I'm a few years late for this sort of crush). In fact, that whole cast looks good, although that movie looks a bit horrible. Maybe it actually is funny, and they're saving the good moments for the movie. We can hope.

Cee Lo's Tori and Taylor Thompson are up next. They're going to be singing "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" WTF?

Performance: AH! PATRIOTISM! They don't sound too bad. I really miss the third voice in the harmony, though. This is better than I thought it was going to be, and they are two of the cutest girls I've ever seen. I don't know if I'll care by the end of the show though. Carson informs us it's Flag Day.

Judges Critiques: Adam: Good old-fashioned entertainment. Blake: loving the oufits (40s-erific). Christina: complimenting the stage direction. Cee Lo: so proud of the girls and to be an American.

Adam's Casey Weston will be singing KT Tunstall's "Black Horse On a Cherry Tree." Adam is encouraging energy rather than a slow ballad.

Performance: Some dudes are playing upside-down buckets. This reminds me of a stomp routine I did in high school for dance team. BTW, Casey sounds pretty good. I love her gritty upper range. She might be one of my favorites in this competition. Damn, the back-up singers are getting down. And she tosses her guitar pick at the end.

Judges Critiques: Blake: about to download her song and Blue Man Group jokes. Christina: again talking about the staging, and talking about tigers. Which are orange. Like her. Cee Lo: joking. Adam: Giving Cee Lo crap and compliments her on her energy.

Back from commercial, Blake admits to drinking not water. Love him. Up next, Cee Lo's Vicci Martinez is singing the Dolly Parton classic "Jolene." Best choice.

Performance. Ooo, mood lighting. Vicci's taking it nice and slow. I love all this husky-voiced women on this show. Oh, snap! She's kicking it up to a higher melody. Not the most exciting moment of the night, but pretty solid.

Judges Critiques: Adam: "soulful, raw, honest." Blake: Vicci's explosive, huge fan. Christina: "feelin' it" and loved the ambiance. Cee Lo: "worked the stage like a professional," something about vulnerability, and go Team Cee Lo!

Team Dama's Devon Barley. He's going to see "Stop and Stare" by One Republic. Ugh, it's like my junior year of college all over again. My roommates were obsessed with One Republic. Again the talk of vulnerability. Adam takling about an athletic stance with the microphone.

Performance: Oh honey, you sound okay, but you're a little sharp. And I really like you. I love Adam's co-performance from his chair. Now he's a little flat. :( His outfit matches Carson's.

Judges Critiques: Blake: loves that it was a guy singing his ass off. Christina: appreciates his swagger. Cee Lo: I'm too distracted by his jacket and Christina's giggling to know what he's saying. Adam: likes to keep the stage presentation to a minimum (good for you, buddy). Does mention the pitch issues, but encouraging.

Team Cee Lo is at a spa or something? Why are they wearing robes. And what is this necklace he's wearing. Some sort of group warm fuzzy direction is going on. GET TO IT, TEAM. Oh, it is a massage place. Nice.

Team Cee Lo is performing "Everyday People." This is delightfully 70s. There is a dancing horn section. The clap-laugh that Adam is doing is describing how I feel about this. So much fringe and vests. Did I mention Cee Lo's Sly (of the Family Stone) wig? It's happening. Well played, Team Cee Lo. So far, everyone else is way more creative than Christina. I will never forgive "Lady Marmalade."

Awkward twitter moment that is best ignored. Commercial break.

Nakia from Team Cee Lo is sing Kings of Leon's "Sex is On Fire." Also a great sing loudly in the car song. I love Cee Lo's sexy sunglasses removal during rehearsal.

Performance: Ooh, nice suit. Ooh, girls twirling fire. He sounds good. Let's just be honest, the mainstream Kings of Leon writes some good music. The instruments drop, and he's on his knees. LOL. Well done.

Judges Critiques: Blake: "felt the burn". Cee Lo: great job, impeccable.

Adam's Jeff Jenkins will be singing "Jesus Take the Wheel." I cannot take this song seriously, but I also have to admit this is a very powerful song. Blah blah blah, raising the key. "Makin' mom proud."

Performance: This is already going to be great, I've got goosebumps.YES. He's killing this chorus. His voice is like heaven. Aww, he's thanking the audience. Cutest.

Judges Critiques: Christina: therapizing Jeff about his song choice, "beautiful." Adam: forgot about the competition and taking notes because he such a good performer. True. Looks like they're speeding along the show by skipping over some of the judges. I'm upset I don't get to hear Blake talk.

Team Adam is at Adam's place. Nice patio. Talking about the gimmicks other coaches are going to pull. Adam, you're winning me over.

Team Adam is performing "With a Little Help From My Friends." Back-up gospel choir! So many silky smooth voices, mmm. Jeff is really bringing it home. I have to say, I wish I could hear the team rather than just the gospel choir. However, it give Adam the opportunity to scream and Javier to melisma. Oh! John Burroughs High School provided the back-up. Fun!

Cee Lo's Curtis Grimes is next, and Cee Lo is having him sing "Addicted to Love." Cee Lo is demanding more raunch. I can't wait.

Performance: Yessss, he's got some dancing background ladies. The country twang on this song is working. Curtis has a lot of understated charisma. AHAHAHAHA: Curtis feeling up the ladies. Perfect.

Judges Critiques: Adam: Curtis wears the cowboy hat, jealous of his deep/manly voice. Blake: go country! Christina: Ew, flirting with Curtis making him say sleazy stuff, pointing out Team Cee Lo's sexualness. Carson is making Christina speed things up. Cee Lo: our team is "kicking ass."

Adam's Javier Colon is singing "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. ?????? Are we at a point where this song isn't the worst yet? Adam telling him to stay true to the melody.

Performance: His falsetto is effortless and lovely. The tempo of the song is sped up and the sassy second verse is vastly improving the pukey association I have to this song. Well played, Javier.

He's receiving a butt ton of applause from the in-studio audience.

Judges Critiques: Blake: compliments. Christina: "The one that got away." Good choice, Javier. You went with someone who wouldn't whore out your voice. Cee Lo: "The voice of an angel." Adam: "Absolutely perfect."

Voting officially open.

Team Blake elimination time. I'm kind of feeling Dia and Xenia because they're adorable. America's votes saved Dia. Yay! Blake looks super serial. There's a lot of chatting. Blake is at least making things as snappy as possible. He chooses Xenia because he can effect more change. It looks like Xenia's sister is sobbing profusely. Love it.

Spring (summer?) cleaning

In a bout of post-finals cleansing, I actually managed to clean my house this week. I have to say, I wish I had a cool robot to help me out in the process:

House Cleaning




Revenge of the Nerds

— MOVIECLIPS.com

Or at least a DJ Roomba to accompany the process:

But alas, I had to do all the cleaning and iPod player moving by hand. However, it did give me some time to contemplate one of my (ironically?) favorite miniseries, The Thorn Birds. Every time I shake out a rug, I instantly wish Richard Chamberlain's Father Ralph de Bricassart was there to excessively beat it against a railing for me:

Seriously, Chamberlain, calm down. The dust of Drogheda is never coming out of that rug.

Although I remember imagining Father Ralph as another, much hotter man of the cloth when I read The Thorn Birds in high school:

Mmm, angsty Randall Batinkoff as Reverend David Grantland in Christy.

Maybe I could just have Reverend David come by in priest collar and call it good. He still better roll up his sleeves though.

Live blogging The Voice: 6/7/11

Oh, hey! This is actually going to be live today.

Intense black-and-white shot of Adam.

LOL. It starts with the Adam Levine singing "Bohemian Rhapsody." Fun fact: this is the song I tore my ACL to. It really is the most dramatic song ever. Adam is doing well with the "Mama just killed a man" section. "We Will Rock You." I can't decide who is more endearing singing this song, Cee Lo or Blake Shelton. Oh boy, Adam is guitaring. Nicely done, Mr. Levine. What the hell is Christina wearing? And what is she doing to "We Are the Champions?" I wish I could bottle the awkward costume combination happening right now. Cee Lo's in sweats, Adam's in a t-shirt and jeans, Blake is going for a vest/tie/jeans combo, and Christina is wearing some sort of pin-up costume with a Forever 21 silver jacket.

Oh, good. We get to relive "the emotional journey" so far. What's with the transition noises between cuts? When is that going to start sounding dated? It already sounds obnoxious on 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother.

It already sounds like Christina is going to give some more "just over sing it, here I'll show you how" advice in this super long preview of the season.

Okay, 2 artists have to go home, but 2 will be saved. This seems a little So You Think You Can Dance-y. I guess only 2 teams go per week. Good times. Discussing the teams: Christina has some intense drag make-up going on. Blake: "How do people have kids?" I don't know, man. He's winning me over. I might have to picture him next week. Adam/Cee Lo "trash talking" or something.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR TECHNOLOGY AND HASH TAGS.

So to clarify, Team Christina and Team Blake are going this week.

Raquel Castro is first up and she's singing Ke$ha's "Blow." Are there dancers!? Wow, she's dancing, too?

Raquel's performance: Predictably, she's already off-pitch a little bit. In other news, she's harnessing Amy Grant with that hair. I'm disappointed she's not trying to sing the autotune parts, but this makes this a really boring vocal performance, she just keeps yelling "Blow" before dancing awkwardly.

Judges critiques: Cee Lo says it was wonderful. It was exciting, I guess. Adam: impressed that she can sing and dance. Fair enough. Blake: "Damnit." Says she's one of his favorites. Yawn. Christina: super cheerleader, talking about ladies and ridiculous outfits. Fun fact: you don't have to wear 324987 inch heels. Oh good, voting numbers.

Commercial break.

Jared Blake is going to sing "Use Somebody." I love singing this song in the car. It's just so fun to figure out how to sing "somebody" like Anthony Caleb Followill does. "Somebod-yeah!"

Jared's performance: Pretty good so far. It's a good song, I have to admit. GUITAR THROW! Good thing he has about a dozen wallet chains. I already like this guy better than Raquel, despite his headband and creepy front row flirting.

Judges critiques: Christina: I can't hear her words past her orange glow, although she points out he started out shaky. Cee Lo: encouragement. Adam: that was the perfect song. I agree. Blake: encouragement with a Southern accent.

Commercial break.

Beverly McClellan's up next singing "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge. This is the most predictable choice ever. Apparently she has a cold. It'll just make her more gruff.

Beverly's performance: some sort of Scottish Military look tonight? She sounds good, but this isn't very exciting, mostly because it's not 1993. I've heard this song enough times, and it sounds exactly like Melissa's version.

Judges critiques: Cee Lo: Beverly is one of his favorites because she's so natural and her presence. Adam: "The one that got away." He's looking very tan today, too. Blake: blown away. Says she's looking sexy and hot. Hmm. Okay. Christina: trying to trash talk. She's terrible at it, and Adam is all, "WTF?" And then Blake maybe just swore? Thanks, censorship.

Commercial Break

Dia Frampton is singing "Heartless" by Kanye West. Interesting choice. Oh, and she's going to play the piano as well. Blake thinks this will help relieve her nervousness.

Dia's performance: Yay! This is bringing out a little sass in her contrasting with her outfit that is late-60s/early-70s adorable. Well done.

Judges critiques: Christina: Interesting, wasn't expecting it. Saw the fighter come out. Cee Lo: greatest rendition of that song he's ever heard, and he's going to call up Kanye. Adam: Most refreshing and unique thing on the show so far. AGREED. Blake: favorite moment on The Voice. What a proud coach.

Side note: I wish I could pull off bangs like Dia.

Commercial break. The Marriage Ref is back?

Team Christina is having dinner with her girls. ~Character building moment~ Telling them to leave out dance steps. Why are they dancing? Why did that become a thing? I think it's from, I don't know, the 60s? The Temptations probably weren't the first, but around there.

Team Christina performance: "Lady Marmalade." Gross. Christina's part in that song has always been my least favorite because she can't blend with other singers at all. Beverly is owning this performance. She's not going crazy with the melody like the other girls, and she has a refreshing voice compared to the other girls. What the hell is everyone wearing? Christina's about to bust her breasts out all over the place. At least Frenchie has a cute, tasteful dress. ACK! MELISMA-OFF. I just threw up. PLEASE BE OVER NOW. Stop trying to trash talk from the stage, Christina.

Twitter updates. Oh.

Commercial break. Gwen Stefani still exists? They're already casting for season 2 of The Voice?

Xenia is singing "Price Tag" by Jesse J. They've got a choreographer for her to "loosen up." Aww, I love Blake coaching Xenia.

Xenia's performance: She's offering a little face tonight. I can't express how cute I find her. She doesn't have a big voice, but it's interesting. I love how Blake is singing and dancing from his chair like a show mom. Aww, he comes up and hugs her at the end. SO. CUTE.

Judges critiques: Christina: Xenia has become one of her favorites. Christina has picked up on the good reality show journey that the editors created. Cee Lo: enjoyed it. Adam: liked seeing Xenia have fun. Blake: "America is watching a star being born." What a proud coach.

Commercial break.

Lily Elise will be singing "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH. This song is the worst. Christina is trying to coach her into showing a "softer side." Blah blah blah "vulnerability."

Lily's performance: These back-up dancers are distracting, but it might be for the best. This song is the worst. She sounds good and she even did an almost-cry face. WHAT. Her vocals got a little weird when she was trying to emote. Oh, no. She's pulling a "She's Out Of My Life" at the end.

Judges critique: Cee Lo: "little, darlin'" Adam: advocating for no dancers because she did better once they were gone. YES YES YES. Blake: Hated the "mimes" in the background, but ended up liking her song. Christina: so proud. Talking about the symbolism of the dancers. Barf. Lily represented control and restraint? Sometimes? Whatever. Choose a better song next time, lady friend.

Twitter break. Why is the Tech Girl wearing a jump suit? :(

Commercial break. Awkward ad about NBC being the broadcaster of the Olympics through 2020. Because that's relevant in an Olympic off-year.

Team Blake gettin' together for lunch. Talking about performing and fame and Miranda.

LOL. Team Blake is performing Maroon 5's "This Love." The grin on Adam's face is super cute. Xenia and the country dude whose name I forgot (Patrick, apparently) are harmonies. It's an interesting mash-up, but I like Blake Shelton's team is totally owning Christina's team. Jared is singing the creepy sexual lyrics. Now Jared and Dia are harmonizing. Dia is so sassy in her flats. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE PRACTICAL FOOTWEAR. Blake brining it home with the bridge. Classy choice to let his team shine before him. OMG, how TALL is he? Adam gives a standing O. Adam says: Excellent song choice (lulz). Points out how tall Blake is.

Commercial break. According to answers.com, Blake Shelton is 6'5". I believe it.

Patrick Thomas choses "I Hope You Dance" for his sister. Barf. Mostly for the song. Sisters are awesome. Blake wants him to bring more emotion to his precise singing.

Patrick's preformance: Sporting a formal cowboy hat. The only way I can describe this performance is Beauty Pageant Bland. Nothing interesting is happening, and there is a lot of vibrato. At least he nailed the key change.

Judges critiques: Christina: sill waiting for him to take off his pants. Trying to start some sort of bromance stuff. ????? Cee Lo: consummate professional. Strong contender. Adam: classy, sophistacted, strong performance. Blake: Patrick is a pro and classy. Too bad he was so blaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Although it may have been the super bland song.

STOP READING TWEETS ON THE AIR.

Commercial break.

Paul Mirkovich is the musical director, and is playing one of the keyboards. His wikipedia page is hilarious.

Frenchie Davis is up, and she chooses "When Love Takes Over" by David Guetta. Christina advocating for "precise and clean." LOL.

Frenchie's performance: What is with Christina's girls choosing songs where they keep singing the same words over and over? At least this is better than "Blow." She has great volume dynamics (soak that in Christina). And for once the background dancers didn't pull my focus. Solid performance.

Judges critiques: Cee Lo: "You make me happy." Adam: She made him love that song. Also, "Damn, girl." Blake: making a distinction between dancers and mimes. "Power singer." Christina: talks about how controlled Frenchie is. Capital "T" Truth.

Voting is now open. I find Blake's team much more interesting during the performance review. Who are you voting for/would you vote for if you cared enough to vote?

Next week: 2 artists are kicked off, and Team Adam and Team Cee Lo perform. I think Team Adam has almost as interesting of a mix as Team Blake, so I'll be excited to see that next week. Til then.

Live blogging The Voice: 5/31/11

Yeah, I'm a day late again. Deal with it.

Gratuitous Adam Levine. You're welcome.

Adam Levine has Jeff and Casey left. I'm overwhelmed by Casey's Rihanna-red hair and...romper? Adam chooses "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me." Good choice. Apparently Casey makes her own costumes. I believe it. I just got a sewing machine this last Christmas. Maybe I should make my own crazy shit to wear when I go to karaoke.

Practice: Adam singing is lovely. Aww, these Jeff and Casey sound good so far in the practice.

Pre-show self-pep talks: ridiculous, but at least these two didn't say anything that makes me vomit.

Performance: This sounds good! I think I might go with Jeff because he has the more resonant voice.

Judging: Reba couldn't keep her eyes off Jeff, Blake couldn't keep her eyes off Casey. Christina: bland comments. Cee Lo sides with Jeff. Coach Adam is all "both of you are awesome"ing and advisor Adam whispers to him dramatically. COMMERCIAL BREAK. WHO WILL WIN? He chooses Jeff. Well done. He's so Gary LeVox lovable.

_______

Blake Shelton has Xenia and Sara left and chooses "I'll Stand By You." HOLY CRAP HE'S 89457 FEET TALLER THAN BOTH OF THEM. Anyway, he says that since they're both bashful, he wants to see who will stand out. Fun.

Practice: Reba says "piana" for "piano." Reba is so fabulous. Can I be her when I grow up? Oh. Blake and Reba made Xenia cry.

Performance: Xenia's voice is so sweet and interesting. Sara is harnessing all the powers of American Idol melisma. Barf. Xenia better win this. This is an interesting combination. Xenia doesn't have much volume, but she's more pleasant to listen to than Sara.

Judging: Christina picks up on Sara's "pitchy"ness. Cee Lo's equally impressed. Adam: there were nerves flying around everywhere and it wasn't the right song for them. Blake's all: just deal with the song. Reba: talking about how nervous and scared they both were. Blake chooses Xenia! YES! Blake, you give me life.

_______

Christina Aguilera has Lily and Cherie and is having them sing "Since You Been Gone" since it's neither of their genres. What a crazy song. It's hella high.

Practice: As pointed out by my sister, I do know who Sia is. Or at least that one song. WOW. Lily's hitting those notes. These harmonies that Christina has her team do always sound terrible.

Pre-show self-pep talks: Extra ridiculous. Blah blah blah I used to be a back-up singer.

Performance: Lily is donning some sort of hood thing. Too bad she can't find the right pitch. Cherie actually sounds good on this chorus. Color me impressed. Lily is trying, but it's a little out of her range and her vocal runs aren't helping.

Judging: Adam: new energy, sound fantastic. Apparently Cherie helped write a number one song for Reba or something. Cee Lo is snapping. Sia says Lily's high note was spectacular: false. Completely off-topic critique: Christina likes Lily's shorty shorts and heels combo. Lily wins. LAME. Christina has terrible taste sometimes.

_______

Cee Lo has Emily and Curtis. Emily is freaking out because she is friends with Curtis. Suck it up, woman. Cee Lo chooses "Need You Now." Cee Lo gets all philosophical about the song. I have to admit I like the song. LOL, Curtis has some heartbroken baseball story.

Practice: Yes! Building up the Emily-Curtis shipper. Good work, "The Voice" editors. I kind of have a crush on Curtis just like Emily. Hahahaha, Cee Lo is stirring up some method-acting. Love it.

Pre-show self-pep talks: Emily is so crushing hard on Curtis. Curtis is all, "Women aren't worth it."

Performance: Curtis is nailing the harmonies, and he totally looks like Timothy Hutton. LOVE. Their harmonies are pretty good, although not ~magical~ because Emily is a little off. Oh wait! Awkward duet eye contact! Curtis is my choice. OH! Battle round make-out at the end! LOLOLOL. Reality show magic!

Judging: Blake gets punny: "duet, not do it." Adam: jealous of Curtis' baritone. Christina: Emily was shaky, but had a lot of strong notes. Monica: just can't choose. Cee Lo: Emily out of her comfort zone and Curtis is comfortable. CURTIS WINS! YES! My Timothy Hutton fetish will carry on.

_______

Preview: It's live next week, folks, and on at an earlier hour. Boyfriend will be out of the country by then, so I'm pretty sure I'll have nothing better to do than watch it live. There's also a special coach performance: amusing. I think I'll miss the dueting. That was pretty entertaining and creative. I'm afraid of American Idol-like hijinks will ensue. I'll just hope for the best!