New Moon (2009), quickly

Because I feel obligated to report what I thought to somebody, even if it's just the internet.

We'll get the negative over with first.

Biggest problem: Bella needs treatment for her depression. Bad.Therapy and meds, please!

Second biggest problem: Too many ideas in one story. Werewolves and the Volturi? Choose one. Also, they're both more interesting than Bella or Edward. Also, this movie shouldn't be over 2 hours long.

Third biggest problem: Jasper wasn't playing baseball. (One of the better things about the first movie.)

Pictured: Jasper not playing baseball :(

Now for the positive, because it's at least an entertaining movie if not exactly well done.

1. Billy Burke is still the best part of the series as Charlie, Bella's dad. Somehow he makes a likable and fleshed-out character in the few minutes of screen time he's given.

Charlie consoling his mentally unbalanced daughter.
Personal fun fact: Billy Burke is one of my favorite guest stars on both My Boys and Gilmore Girls.

2. Taylor Lautner brings sincere teenage boy's awkwardness to the screen. He's like the kid who sings some cheesy acoustic pop song at a choir concert/talent show and who's decent/confident enough to pull it off, but not good enough to make you not feel awkward about it. I can't think of another movie that does this so well.

Awkward teenage earnestness--in action!

3. The Italy scenes are lovely. Beautiful colors, beautiful scenery, competent actors.

These people only show up at the very end. It's jarring because they act like vampires should: deliciously creepy.

4. The chase scenes were mostly in slow motion, and I can watch things in slow motion all day (see: Raging Bull). Plus, it means no silly fast motion sprinting (see: Twilight).

5. Edward got to beat people up. Which means less crap coming out of his mouth and less staring at Bella intensely.


Also, more slow motion.

THE END.