Dear network TV,

Way to seduce me into watching your new cop shows with great lead-in shows and some favorites as the lead characters. I don't want to spend 3 hours straight watching TV, but you've made me do. ABC's The Unusuals seems like pretty standard cop procedural fare (set in NYC), but I really like Amber Tamblyn and Adam Goldberg in the random stuff, so I watched it. And I'm in the process of watching NBC's Southland (set in LA), but it looks like they're trying to be as edgy as network TV can be--complete with shaky-cam and the bleeping out of too risque words. Too bad I'm going to keep watching it because The OC favorite Benjamin McKenzie and the love of my That Thing You Do! life Tom Everett Scott is in it.

Love love,
Kelsy

P.S. Let me just transcribe some of the magical dialogue and events from this pilot episode. Starting from about 10 minutes in:

• "Come home and make a baby."
• "You've got 90210 written all over you."
• "He doesn't pay his rent! What am I supposed to do?"
• "Look, I'm never gonna lie, okay?"
• newbie (Benjamin McKenzie) throwing up after seeing a rotting corpse (pilot episode of ER much, same producer?)
• newbie called "Tori Spelling"
• douchebag training cops yells to vice cop dressed as hooker, "Hey baby! Show me your bleep!"
• "Don't think you can handle it, quit now. Do us all a favor and give up."
• "You threatening me!?"
• Speaking of That Thing You Do! I keep thinking of Lamarr saying, "Have you tried the peach cobbler? Best in the southland."
• "Shoot. We got our own war on terror right here."
• Hey! Creepy Phil from Lost is in this!
• "Cuff first, then search."
• (Commercials rant: Observe and Report looks not only not funny, but meanspirited. Repeated viewings of the commerical for it makes me think Anna Faris is even less funny than originally thought.)
• "Do you know who did this?"
• "Kids running around shooting each other because they're wearing the wrong colors. Or they are the wrong color."
• "What the hell did you think a gun was for? Show and tell?" This is only the beginning of this fantastically trope-filled tough-love speech which includes the phrase "front row seats to the greatest show on earth." Some more: "And that my friend is God's work. If you want to be a pussy, quit." Epic.
• head bludgeon!
• (Commericals rant: "Roger Ebert gives Knowing four stars." He also gave Watchmen the film four stars and thought it was nuanced. Think about it.)
• "I didn't want to hurt her. She started screaming, and I panicked."
• Newbie asking about the guy he shot, "Is he okay?" Veteran cop gives a knowing look.
• End montage to The National's "Fake Empire."
  
• Promo: "Where very moment is what you'd never expect." I'm sure.

Final word: I probably won't watch Southland again. It's taking itself way too seriously for how boring it is. But I'm willing to give The Unusuals another try since it's at least trying to give the characters some personality, no matter how hokey the attempt.