I have secret love of ABC Family original series. I usually end up watching the first seasons of them for masochistic reasons. The new one is based off the movie 10 Things I Hate About You. What a terrible idea. Of course that means I'm watching it. And of course that means I'm sharing my pain with you:
9:00 - The same dad as the movie. Poor Larry, reduced to a mere shadow of the hilarity he brought to the movie. And of course he's on the phone in the middle of a woman's labor.
9:01 - Shakespeare name drop! 'Cause it's based on that one play he wrote that one time.
9:02 - Kat drives a Volvo, so far the best thing about this series. I drove a Volvo in high school. It was old and awesome.
9:03 - Um, apparently the sisters are the ones new to the school and not Cameron. And Cameron is now a Tedding-out idiot. Also, he's not Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Fail.
9:04 - Ooo! Fiery sexual tension between Kat and the guy I'm assuming will take over Heath Ledger's role. Mostly involving glaring at each other.
9:08 - Harry Potter references. Along with every other innocuous pop culture reference under the sun. Oh dear, they're trying to be relevant.
9:10 - Yep, glaring dude is Patrick. He's certainly hotter than Heath Ledger--well, at least has better hair than Heath in the movie. And um, I think they just made an impromptu staring contest a plot point.
9:12 - Text messaging plot point!!
9:13 - New Chastity proves that she's no Gabrielle Union when she Bring it On-captains at the cheerleading try-outs.
Commercial break thought: Is anyone else upset that Christian Coulson isn't coming back as Tom Riddle for the new Harry Potter movie? Is it weird I know his name off the top of my head?
9:17 - Maybe movie-Bianca already had my love thanks to being Alex Mack, but seriously, new-Bianca is the dumbest character possible.
9:18 - Ha! Driving Miss Daisy reference. That was good. Way to go Kat.
9:20 - Non-alcoholic beer keg. This is no Freaks and Geeks.
9:21 - Calling Patrick Hannibal Lector? That one didn't even make sense in this context. I revoke my impressed card from Kat.
9:21 - Kat and Patrick totally just had a moment. I know because a piano melody of 2 notes started playing.
9:23 - "You're really smiling with your eyes." lolz.
Commercial break thought: Dude, the guy who plays Cameron is super tall. I just thought every one else around him was short, but his IMDb fun fact page informed me that Nicholas Braun is 6' 6''. Oh, and his nickname is Nick. Who knew?
9:28 - "Dead mom card." Making light of death is always a good thing.
9:29 - Elphaba! Ha!
9:30 - Bianca is terrible at putting things in her locker, namely her Peguin mascot head. Turn it sideways, idiot.
9:31 - Here's the French tutor tie-in!
9:31 - Oh, new-Patrick rides a motorcycle. That's how you know he's bad.
Commercial break thought: U2 is offering a public service announcement? Um, for Blackberry? I couldn't hate Bono more.
Oh, apparently it's over. And a sitcom. Hmm. Much like new Pride & Prejudice, this contains many of the same plot points as the original source, but stripped of any humor or likable characters. Except maybe Patrick. That kid can glare.