Medley of the Day: This was actually a medley in the first place

Anyone who has read this blog long enough knows of my not-so secret love of Sting. It's not because I love and adore everything he's ever written/performed (at least 30% of it is too bizarre to really enjoy listening to), but when Sting's good, he's good. And if I can look at him while he's being good at playing music, even better. Here he is performing "Why Should I Cry for You" (1991) and "Be Still My Beating Heart" (1987) in a sweet yellow vest.

Check out Dominic Miller's hair: what part of the 90s is this?

While watching Easy A...

...it occurred to me that the charming Emma Stone:

reminds me of the charming Lauren Graham:

I think it's partially to do with the pop culture-laden dialogue of Easy A that matches the similarly scripted Gilmore Girls. But also just find both of them so everyday quirky-cool. Like, at some point in my life I could achieve that level of awesome if I could figure out how to say wonderfully spazzy things that would come out funny instead of weird.

Here's possibly my favorite part of the movie because this was how I spent many-a weekend in high school, sans dog:

Also fun: Ferris Buellering in the shower. I would see this movie again just to catch all the 80s teen movie references. Also, because I have a girl crush on Emma Stone. Also, because it's funny. Did I mention Stanley Tucci looks weirdly good in a Henley shirts? Overshare? Too bad, you now know I found Stanley Tucci mildly attractive in this movie. Now watch this clip of him being ADORABLE.

More Goldblum!

This time, it's Holsten Pils advertisements, which presumably aired on UK television. Mostly, they involve Jeff Goldblum delivering terrible jokes in a charming Goldblumian way. You're welcome.

German jokes!

Physics jokes!

Geometry jokes!

Salesmen jokes!

Break-up/neurological jokes!

Goldblum!

Because sometimes you need to watch obscure Jeff Goldblum movies.

Thank God It's Friday (1978)

Apparently it's Friday night and everyone is going to DISCO! Jeff Goldblum plays a womanizing discotech owner. The Commodores are there, along with countless other people in the club including the high school students who sneak in, a horny and really New Yorky guy, an uptight married couple, Deborah Winger, a manic pixie dreamgirl, the over-enthusiastic DJ, and Donna Summer. And most importantly, "the Leatherman" who has an overly long dance scene in the middle of a parking lot:

I'm not sure why this movie exists.

Into the Night (1985)

Like the last 1980s neo-noir film I watched, this movie makes absolutely no sense. Written by the man you brought the world the mediocre TV shows "Beauty and the Beast" and "Moonlight," Ron Koslow is incapable of creating a coherent plotline. Every scene brings a new villain with a new ethnicity. Two very telling things about this film: Dan Akroyd shows up for only 5 minutes at the beginning of the film, and John Landis--the director himself--plays one of the bumbling Persians. Sigh. It switches from emotionless and dull to slapstick to Jeff Goldblum's confused face to some awkward cameo. I think it was supposed to be funny kind of on purpose, but it was so, so terrible. And there's an inexplicable soundtrack by BB King.

Basic plot: Michelle Pfieffer stole some jewels or something and is now being chased by Persians/men of ambiguous ethnicity and makes insomniac Jeff Goldblum help her out. Violent/humorous moments ensue forever.

Honestly, the only highlight was David Bowie:

Side note: was Jeff Goldblum even shot on the same day as the rest of the actors when he didn't have to be? I'm going to go ahead and assume not.

Vibes (1988)

Hey look! A competently made film! It's the sort of movie I would to expect to be on Saturday morning cable in the 90s, except I'd never seen Vibes before. Here's the trailer:

All you really need to know is this: Jeff Goldblum is at his Dr. Malcolm best, albeit with less smarm. He doesn't belong in a disco or a neo-noir, he and his "what the hell am I doing here?" face need to be in comedic roles always. Another thing you need to know: Cyndi Lauper is a good actress. This role required her to talk to a spirit, Louise, the whole time, and she pulls it off beautifully. And the two of them together actually have some cute chemistry. And oh my gosh they tango.

I love comedic action-adventure.

St. Elmo's Fire: Why did I enjoy this movie so much?

A stream-of-consciousness review.

It's not like these were particularly interesting characters, although Andrew McCarthy's Kevin was endearingly love-struck and shy and Mare Winningham was mysteriously conservative and overdressed (as in 3249827 layers a day with a jumper on top), and oh my goodness what was Rob Lowe doing with that saxophone? Emilio Estevez was a waste of space, basically stalking Andie McDowell until he steals a kiss from her (what?). Judd Nelson was a philanderer which I kind of hated because Ally Sheedy is super cute, but then she hooked up with Andrew McCarthy's character and that scene was the definition of delightful and fun. But then Demi Moore was a cocaine addict and a pathological liar and I didn't care.

And it's not like it was well-plotted. In fact, it had about a thousand plot lines too many which reassures me that the recent influx of multi-plot lined, we're all connected on some level movies aren't exactly anything new. It's just the 80s were more overt about the connections, like a group of BFFFFFFFs the summer after they graduate from college.

Also, why were all the women in this movie besides Demi Moore so dowdy? Was that the thing to do once you graduated from college? Get a mom haircut and high-collared shirts? And do I think of those as mom haircuts because that time period was when my mom was being a mom? You know that's coming back in style in about 10 seconds. Stupid hipsters.

Hey look, Andrew McCarthy is the only one who doesn't look like a jackass.

Wait, I've got it. The soundtrack.

We had countless piano books growing up that had the St. Elmo's Fire theme in it, and it was so familiar. David Foster wrote most of the music used in the film and John Parr performed several of the songs (including the below "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)") with so much enthusiasm that would almost make Kenny Loggins jealous if he hadn't owned the entire decade in movie theme songs.

I mean, how can you resist a movie that so unabashedly uses the saxophone. And dammit, if it isn't a catchy and really well written soundtrack despite its cheese. I think the take away message from this film, if there is one, is that the combination of synthesizer strings and saxophone enhances everything a thousandfold.

Taking advice from the media: How to find the love of your life 3

There's much more advice to be taken from the media on your love life, but part 3 will conclude this week's online seminar in how to find the love of your life. (parts 1 and 2)

1. Warm up to the person you married out of boredom and then may or may not have cheated on. (The Painted Veil)

2. Make your friends confront your crush because your only direct(ish) interactions with him/her are through bizarre haunted house rides. (Amelie)

3. Start a long-standing banter. (Much Ado About Nothing)

4. Fall in love with the painting of a (presumed) dead person. (Laura)

5. Promise to meet up with a brief fling at a well-known landmark. (An Affair to Remember)

6. Go for the fun brother. (While You Were Sleeping)

7. Give sound but unwanted advice. (Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel)

8. Become the cliche that falls for their bosses. (Two Weeks Notice)

9. Give your roommate/co-worker a chance. (Someone Like You)

10. Remember: outsiders have more fun. (Gone With the Wind)

And by special request:

11. Hook up with a friend of a friend: it's easier than a friend. (When Harry Met Sally)

Taking advice from the media: How to find the love of your life 2

Here's part 2 of how to find the love of your life. (part 1)

1. Pursue your childhood clergyman. (The Thorn Birds)

2. Ditch your travel companions for a good looking stranger. (Two for the Road)

3. Be extra sassy to a celebrity. (Singin' in the Rain)

4. Seduce your sibling's almost-girl/boyfriend away from them for business purposes. (Sabrina)

5. Reignite a childhood romance (The Village)

6. Call out your crush on their mixed-signals bullshit. (10 Things I Hate About You)

7. Take your sibling's rejected cast-off. (Little Women)

8. Develop a relationship with the house ghost. (Just Like Heaven)

9. Decide the nice guy/girl that likes you just the way you are is worth spending time with. (Bridget Jones's Diary)

10. Find the smart side of someone frivolous. (Legally Blonde)