Live commentarying The Voice: 4/30/2012

Well folks, it's the semi-finals, and Christina Aguilera is wearing a crown. Of course.

Simply Red, obviously.

1. Team Adam: Tony Lucca is singing "How Do You Like Me Now" by the Heavy. Soul-licious. Well, this is rather sexy. I like that he busted out some blue-eyed soul dance moves to match his voice. Loving it. He sounds great. Tony blends quality vocals with performance.

2. Team Blake: Erin Willett is singing David Guetta and Usher's "Without You." Hate to say it, but Erin sounds off her game. Also, they took out the best parts of the song, the beat and the synthesizer. Not my favorite.

3. Team Christina: Chris Mann sings "Ave Maria." Christina is the anti-creative. Chris's voice sounds lovely and pure.

4. Team Cee Lo: Jamar Rogers is singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now" by everyone ever, but I'd like to hat tip Simply Red. He messes with the rhythm which makes this song sound much fresher than it should. His voice sounds great as usual. Not blown away by the performance, though.

Team Adam and Team Cee Lo team up for "All of These Things That I've Done" by the Killers. These four are quality enough singers to make this an enjoyable performance. I'm pretty fond of all four of these kids, personally.

5. Team Blake: Jermaine Paul is singing Journey's "Open Arms."  This is the most sincere Jermaine has sounded all season. It has something to do with not running the melody all over the place. Until verse 2. Barf. This is not my style.

6. Team Adam: Katrina Parker sings "Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Roberta Flack/The Fugees. It sounds good and soulful. Consistent with her past work.

Blake Shelton's new song "Over" sounds like another quality "driving home late at night" sort of song.

7. Team Christina: Lindsey Pavao is singing "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver. Seems my Birdy comparison last week was apropos. At least this version doesn't strip the song of any rhythm or forward movement. I'll confess Lindsey has grown on me. I don't mind the girl, now that she seems more comfortable on stage.

Team Christina and Team Blake sing Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory." Poor Lindsey Pavao's voice doesn't match these other singers or this song very well. Their harmonies sound pretty good on the chorus, so whatever.

8. Team Cee Lo: Juliet Simms sings James Brown's "It's a Man's World." Juliet kills it. Her affectations, grit, and embellishments fit the lyrics. Love her. She's the coolest.

Conclusion: I would love it if Tony Lucca and Juliet Simms made it to the finals. Who do you want to see in the final 4?

Random comment:
1. Why does Christina have to mention that she sang every song all the contestants sang? I really thought I would like Christina this season, but she has failed me so hard.

Ultimate break-up mix

You guys, I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. It was amicable/mutual/logical or whatever, but it still sucks a lot. Especially since I'm in a new town, and I have a lot of alone time to watch cheesy teen dramas from Australia and sob. (But I mean seriously, the curveball at the end of season 2 was heartbreaking.) Anyway, in the interest of full self-pity, here are some songs to cry to.



1. "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston (1993)
I just watched The Bodyguard (1992) this afternoon,* and this song just spoke to me in the way that only early 90s pop ballads can.



2. "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton (1974)
Speaking of The Bodyguard, the original version of "I Will Always Love You" is effective in its simplicity. The speaking parts are perfection.



3. "Bell Bottom Blues" by Derek and the Dominos (1970)
Just a reeking of desperation.



4. "Over You" by Miranda Lambert  (2012)
Okay, so no one died or anything, but it gets the general idea that losing someone sucks.



5. "Caroline No" by The Beach Boys (1966)
Ugh, Beach Boys, you make an ending relationship sound so beautiful.



6. "It Makes No Difference" by The Band (1975)
First class lyrics and mournful guitar and saxophone solos. It certainly helps that Rick Danko's voice sounds like it's going to give out at any minute.



7. "Marvin's Room (Can't Do Better)" by Jojo (2011)
This song is so embarrassing, it's perfect. NSFW.




8. "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac (1975)
This was one of the ex's favorite songs. Seems apropos.



9. "Let It Die" by Feist (2004)
Possibly the saddest chorus I've ever heard.



10. "The Shrine/An Argument" by Fleet Foxes (2011)
Epic folk, ending in chaos.



11. "Now At Last" by Blossom Dearie (1956)
This is what it feels like.



12. "St. Swithin's Day" by Billy Bragg (1984)
A man, his guitar, a beautiful chord progression, and an overabundance of lyrics.



Feel better? Me neither. Have a good cry.


*My sister's really accurate commentary. 

Live commentarying The Voice: Eliminations 4/24/2012

Even more eliminations tonight, folks!

This picture of Tony Lucca and Carson Daly is incredibly awkward. The end.

First point, I think we can all agree Florence + the Machine is a vast improvement on musical guests this season.

Team Adam:
Saved: Tony Lucca (I am pleased with this choice.)
Up for elimination: Katrina Parker and Mathai

Performances:

• Mathai sings Carrie Underwood's "Cowboy Casanova." Real talk: I love this song. It's an interesting choice for Mathai. I don't hate it, but I'm not a big fan of her affectations.
• Katrina sings Pink's absolutely awful "Perfect." Her voice sounds good. I also like how glammed out this girl is. This song is boring, but she should stay in the competition.

Adam chooses Katrina to stay in the competition after rambling on for a really long time. This is why my Pinterest account gets so much use. I think he made a good decision. Katrina is a class act. Mathai needs to polish up a little more.

Team Cee Lo:
Saved: Jamar Rogers (I'll accept it.)
Up for elimination: Juliet Simms and Cheesa

Performances:

• Cheesa sings "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Can someone please sing something that I don't loathe? Anyway, Cheesa sounds okay, but she's a little flat and isn't really selling the song to me.
• Juliet Simms sings Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn." Yep, I hate this song, too. It's fun to hear Juliet sing something so girly and she sounds spectacular. Her gritty voice makes the song much more meaningful than it usually does. I also like that she can control her voice enough to yell at the audience a little bit.

Cee Lo preaches some weird crap. The credits Wrap-It-Up-Box him, and he chooses Juliet. Well chosen, sir. This has turned out a lot better than last week's embarrassment. 

Random comments:

1. Christina gives terrible advice to Juliet. Singing loud all the time isn't a thing that works. Not even for her. That's some ANTM-level non-critique.

Live commentarying The Voice: 4/23/2012

Team Adam and Team Cee Lo are up tonight. Let's hope they don't screw it up like Blake and Christina last week and eliminate their best team members.

Sometimes I forget how much I love Billy Joel's music. This is not one of those nights.

1. Team Cee Lo: Jamar Rogers is singing "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi. What a terrible song. I really like Jamar, and he consistently kills as performances. He also embellishes melodies in a classy way that doesn't make me want to stab myself in the throat. Too bad this song is still boring.

2. Team Adam: Katrina Parker sings Christina Perri's awful "Jar of Hearts." Katrina's voice is beautiful, and her delivery is pretty perfect. Well done, girl. I almost like this song.

3. Team Adam: Mathai performs "I Am Like a Bird" by Nelly Furtado. Omg, what? I don't like how Mathai doesn't trust her naturally good tone to sell the song. She starts embellishing weirdly, namely by going flat and pronouncing words oddly. And then jumps around. She'd be good if she calmed things down a bit.

4. Team Cee Lo: James Missoni is singing Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are." Cee Lo knows what he's doing. This is just some straight up teen heartthrob shit without any hint of irony. AND A FREAKING SAXOPHONE. I cannot handle how much I love this performance. His voice is simple and immature in a great way.

5. Team Adam: Tony Lucca sings "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. J'adore. He brings out the darkness of the song that got lost in Britney's bubblegum version. It's a well written song, what can I say? Tony may be my favorite of the season. He knows his voice and uses it well.

6. Team Cee Lo: Cheesa is up next singing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." I love how husky Cheesa's voice is. It's like Sade singing a power ballad. The key change was a little rough, but she's holds it together.

7. Team Adam: Pip is up next singing "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. I guess we're staying with the vanilla rock of the early 2000s for Pip. Once he gets going, he gets on pitch, and his falsetto is heavenly. Uuuh, he gets worse as he keeps going. Trying harder in this case meant sucking harder.

8. Team Cee Lo: Juliet Simms sings "Crying" by Aerosmith. I keep meaning to sing this song at karaoke, and then I get it confused with "Crazy." SHE'S WEARING WINGS! Amusing. In terms of her voice, she sounds 60s/70s rock fabulous as usual. I adore this woman. She's the perfect blend of Emma Stone and the Black Crowes.

Instant Eliminationz
Team Cee Lo: Cee Lo eliminates James. Awwww. He's such a pleasure to watch, and I'll miss his gentle voice.

Team Adam: Half of this team could go, and I wouldn't care. Adam ends up eliminating Pip. Well done. Pip was clearly the worst of the night, even if he has cute dimples.

What were your favorites of the night?

Random comments:
1. Oh. Carson Daly must have gotten new emotion software installed. He almost looks enthusiastic when introducing Team Cee Lo singing "Dancing in the Street." This musical number is pretty adorable and fun.
2. Goodie Mob is serving up some Earth, Wine, and Fire realness with their costumes.
3. How useless are these Twitter breaks. They make me feel really awkward.
4. I love Cee Lo's "real women don't use autotune" rant.
5. I love that Blake confesses to basically being an alcoholic.
6. John Lennon's "Instant Karma" is a delightful choice of song. Also, it delights me to see Adam on the drums. Also, Tony Lucca has my heart. The end.

Live commentarying The Voice: Eliminations 4/17/2012

Oh hey, guys. I'm in the middle of experimenting with my TV, but it looks like I can actually get digital channels. I have no idea what happened in the first 10 minutes of the show. I'll probably be flipping to this in between New Girl if I can find Fox (UPDATE: found it too late).

This is how I felt about half of this episode.

Team Christina:
Saved: Chris Mann. That's kind of unexpected given his his classical voice.
Performing: Ashley De La Rosa and Lindsey Pavao

Ashley De La Rosa perform's Lady Gaga's "You and I." Love her song choices. She's got a great voice, is consistently on-pitch,  and she's adorable. Ashley's quickly becoming my favorite.

Lindsey Pavao sings "Please Don't Go" by Mike Posner(!). Lindsey's like the American Birdy. People think doing the same thing to popular songs (namely, slowing them down) makes them brilliant. This ends up being spectral wailing as she starts crying at the end. She's seems pretty cool, but I like Ashley better.

Lindsey Pavao is saved. Sad to see Ashley go! After this elimination and Jordis's, I have no hope for the future.

Team Blake:
Saved: Jermaine Paul (Fine, but he better pick better songs from here on out).
Performing: RaeLynn and Erin Willett


Erin Willett sings Ike and Tina's "Proud Mary." This is one of those songs that the really drunk girl at karaoke always sings. Erin is better than that girl. I would however like more (any) fringe.


RaeLynn performs "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry. I just want her to get all her stylistic touches in check because it distracts from the overall song.


Blake chooses Erin. Poor dude had about 2 seconds to choose, but I think he did well. Poor little RaeLynn looks sad.

Well folks, what do you think?

Other stuff:
1. Justin Bieber takes the stage, and this is the worst. Except I really can't hate the kid. Have you seen the "Call Me Maybe" video? World premiere of a clip of Justin Bieber's video "Boyfriend." What the...? Wrap it up box needed.
2. Adam talked about curbing RaeLynn's embellishments (Boyfriend Coach Status).

Live commentarying The Voice: 4/16/2012

Quarterfinals part 1, guys. Who else is less than thrilled at this season? Blah, blah, blah there will be somebody instantly eliminated tonight. That's lame sauce. Let's jam.

Adam Levine being not creepy.

1. Team Blake: RaeLynn is up first, and she's singing "She's Country" by Jason Aldean. I like her a little better this week. This song works for her ridiculous, over-blown country style. That said, what the hell is she singing? She just makes random vowel sounds that vaguely sound like singing. Not my favorite.

2. Team Christina: Jesse Campbell sings Beyonce's "Halo." BORING. Beyonce rarely has good song writers, and I kind of hate this song. I like that Jesse can actually reach those lower notes in his range (looking at you, RaeLynn). I love this man's voice despite the song. However, he's forced to showboat to make anything interesting happen.

3. Team Blake: Jordis Unga sings "Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans. I like this girl's voice. It's pure and straight forward without being weak. Really solid performance that makes emotional sense.

4. Team Christina: Ashley De La Rosa sings "Foolish Games" by Jewel, but rock style. I'm still not ready to revisit Jewel, I don't care how you rework it. Ashley has a very capable voice that plays with dynamics well. I would love to see her continue.

5. Team Blake: Erin Willet sings Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain." STOP IT WITH THE ADELE, GUYS. HER MUSIC'S TOO UBIQUITOUS TO MAKE THESE PERFORMANCES INTERESTING. Erin doesn't sound as solid as she usually does. She's consistently off-pitch, and it's a bit painful. Also, I hate this song.

6. Team Christina: Lindsey Pavao ends up singing "Part of Me" by Katy Perry. Huh. Christina keeps choosing really boring music for her team. Lindsey Lindseys the song by slowing it down and making it as morose as possible. This is what Paramore/Evanescence has wrought. However, it's working for me.

7. Team Blake: Mr. Jermaine Paul sings "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins. God, I love this song. His voice is butter, but I wish he would have kept it simpler at the beginning because the melody kind of speaks for itself. It's a perfect pop song; the only thing a singer should need to do is stay on pitch. The runs ring false, and I want to punch his vocal folds.

8. Team Christina: Chris Mann is singing "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. CHRISTINA, what is wrong with you? This song only works because of the strings and the tempo. It's not an interesting vocal line. Bless, Chris Mann, though. He's doing his best, and I kind of like this performance despite myself. As usual, he sounds great, and we even get a smile out of him.

Instant Eliminations:
Team Christina: Christina eliminates Jesse. Frowny face. The silence in the auditorium is so haunting. He's a classy loser, even though he was one of the most consistent performers of the competition.

Team Blake: Blake ends up eliminating Jordis in order to go with America's voice a couple weeks ago. What the hell??? Adam's head shake says it all. Team Blake just became incredibly weak.

Random comments/other performances:
1. Christina decides to sing a little country and flower Blake with "male strippers." It delights me. Christina's outfit however does not.

2. Team Christina's performance of "Fighter" is way better than the past musical group performances. The team actually gets to participate in a substantial way. And I have to say the high school choir was kind of awesome, too.

3. Maroon 5 and Wiz Khalifa perform "Payphone." I'm curious where this payphone was found. In the year 2012. Then again, this could have come out 10 years ago when there were still intact payphones since it sounds like the neutered, mid-tempo rock prevalent in the early 2000s. Love the self-bleeping and Wiz Khalifa's hat, the rest is boring.

4. I love Christina's bitchface when she compliments everything but the actual voice of a contestant.

5. Boyfriend Adam emerges again, as he pinpoints mediocre performances and over-embellishments.

6. Team Blake perform "Heartache Tonight." Oh, Eagles. RaeLynn's voice almost entirely a result of her moving her head and contorting her mouth in awkward directions. I'M SORRY, I JUST DON'T LIKE HER. And compared to the other performers, she seems really immature and trying too hard. Am I being a jerk now? She's really pretty...