Live blogging The Voice: 5/24/11

I know. I'm a day late. It's okay. I'm still going to live blog this kind of terrible show. Also, since I'm watching this online instead of as it airs, I've given up on time-stamping.

Blah blah blah flashbacks.

Christina chooses Raquel and Julia. They both look like high school students. And they get to sing "Only Girl in the World." Excellent. Also, Raquel is so tiny.

Oh. It turns out they're both babies.

I'm totally jelly that they have the range to sing this song because I love this song. Also, "S&M." It was stuck in my head all last night when I kept waking up. This terrible anecdote is way better than the advice sessions with Christina and Sia (who I'm still all "who?" about).

Pitch problems in rehearsal!

Performance: Raquel is totally off-pitch. Okay, she's doing better now. Nope. She's flat again. Julia is holding things together a little bit.

These harmonies are the worst.

Cee Lo, that is falseness, Raquel was the worst. Blake, you are correct, Julia was better. Adam, false, they are not even. Raquel is totally cute, but FLAT. Christina, who are you going to choose????

Uggggh. Raquel wins. Lame.

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Alright, Blake chooses Dia and Sarah B. to sing "Can't Hurry Love." Interesting combination. I'm just glad Blake is willing to shake things up with differing voices and random-ass oldies songs.

Sarabee makes my vocal folds sympathy hurt. And she's a little too crazy with the vocal runs. Dia is the cutest and has sweet, pure tone. My preference is pretty obvious.

God bless Blake Shelton for telling Sarabee to calm down with the over-singing.

Performance: Dia is a little is a little scoopy. It's kind of obnoxious.

Sarabee is Janice Joplin-ing. It's kind of obnoxious.

People keep talking about the odd pairing.

Reba telling Dia she is awesome for "staying true to herself." I love Reba.

Blake is so real. And he chooses Dia because Sarabee was so crazypants with the vocals.

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Adam's turn! Rebecca and Devon are chosen to sing "Creep" by Radiohead. Were these kids even born when this song was released? Oh, apparently Rebecca knows this song. It probably seeped into her brain the moment she put in those purple highlights.

Devon is not doing well. Buck up, little camper!

Apparently Rebecca is a folk singer who lives in her car. Is she Jewel?

Performance: Devon found the melody. Way to go, buddy!

Omg, these two are so cute together. And their harmonies sound nice.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I WANT TO WIN, THEY MAKE RADIOHEAD ADORABLE.

Blake is telling him to never separate these two. Agreed. Christina says Devon stole the show. Cee Lo also likes Devon because he doesn't look like his voice. Adam is swearing adorably.

Devon wins! Awww. He'll need to find another chick to have cute baby-chemistry with.

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Cee Lo picks the sisters Tori and Taylor Thompson versus Kelsey Rey. Nice name. I'm expecting Kelsey to OWN. "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. LOL.

Gosh, these sisters are probably going to suck, but at least they don't have some sort of "I'm judged because I'm so beautiful" complex like Kelsey.

"Sisterly love amongst them." -Cee Lo

Performance: It's like Forever 21 threw up on the stage.

Kelsey sounds pretty good. The sisters actually aren't that bad.

Awww, they all three have harmonies. I just got goosebumps. This is embarrassing. Why is Natasha Bedingfeld so damn catchy?

Kelsey is so bland. I might have to side with the sisters.

Adam is overwhelmed by cuteness. Agreed. Blake says the sisters sound better than the audition (true) and that Kelsey was the more seasoned singer and would choose her. Christina goes with the sisters.

Cee Lo took off his sunglasses dramatically and then put them back on. The Thompson sisters win! I'm kind of happy for them.

Previews: Final battle round next week before they go LIVE. "Sun Going Down on Me"--yes! And apparently the season's most surprising moment. Side-eye.

I just hope to enjoy some more heart-meltingly adorable moments like this:

Live blogging "The Voice" 5/17/11

Hello, blog readers (most likely related to me directly or through marriage). I'm back for more mediocre reality TV, so let's get to it.

Adam Levine with advisor Adam Blackstone.

:02 Oh, it's just taken 2 minutes for the show to actually start. Cee Lo choses Tje and Nakia. These are two really weird looking dudes.

:03 Tye is wearing a denim vest. Nice.

:04 Good thing they unsaturated the colors of the flashbacks so we know this isn't the present day.

:05 Cee Lo chose Ne-yo's "Closer." Have I ever declared my love of Ne-Y? No?Let it be known that Ne-Yo is pop perfection.

:07 I hate the adjective "pitchy."

:08 Aw yeah, the performance is warming up.

:09 This is going to be a tough call, but I'd go with Tje because of his adorable fro.

:10 First thing out of Adam's voice, "So much hair." Agreed.

:11 Carson Daly is holding both the guys' hands. It is incredibly awkward

COMMERCIAL BREAK

:15 Nakia wins! I'll miss Tje's hair, but at least there's a bearded guy in the running.

:15 The duo Elenowen and Jared Blake are up to sing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." I'm curious how they turn this duet into a trio-duet.

:17 I want to punch this hipster couple, they are too cute. Owen is a little too Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentine. I officially want to punch him.

:19 Blake Shelton wanting these people to blend. Awkward combinations!

:20 DRAMATIC MUSIC FOLLOWED BY COMMERCIAL BREAK.

:25 Jared is surprisingly fun and gritty. Elenowen are sickening and not in a good, drag queen sort of way.

:26 The male half of Elenowen is not very good. He just has a hot wife. And the hot wife fails at the key change.

:28 Blake chooses Jared! Great choice. Now Elenowen can go back to their co-op.

During this commercial break I'll just address the ridiculous tweets at the bottom of the screen from the coaches. Essentially, they all say, "EVERYONE WAS AWESOME THIS DECISION IS HARD." But it's so hip and NOW to use tweets, so they're using it anyway. Thanks, family friendly programming.

Also, there is an ad for "The Sing-Off." I don't know how I feel about a full hour of a cappella.

:34 Javier and Angela are chosen. Angel is wearing a random headband wrapped around her skull and a denim vest. I want to slap her.

:35 "Stand By Me"? Really, Adam? I expected better. At least he's advocating for simplistic vocals. This song can get out of control fast.

:38 Ugh, this performance is getting real showboat-y real fast.

:39 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

:41 Javier wins. Thank goodness. That girl was embarrassing.

:46 Christina picks Beverly and Justin. She also picks "Baba O'Riley" for the song. Whaaaaat? Christina, why are you awesome?

:48 Ack! Melisma attack!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

:54 I already want "Baba O'Riley" to end.

:55 The harmonies are kind of nice since they have to actually sing the melody during this part.

:56 This guitar solo is the best part so far. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SINGING HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

:57 Adam says, "Murderize." 10 points.

:58 Beverly wins. She's kind of a badass, so I'll go with it. I really had no preference on this one.

Previews: "ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD"! Yes and yes. Looks like I'm still watching this next week.

This may be my summer album

Much like Local Natives' album Gorilla Manor took over my summer last year, I'm pretty sure Fleet Foxes' album Helplessness Blues will define this summer.

1) "Montezuma" - Let's not beat around the bush, I'm a choir girl, and the background harmonies resonate just like a boys' choir in this song. The "oh"s that underscore "Oh man that I used to be" are just heavenly.

2) "Bedouin Dress" - I woke up with this song stuck in my head, from the filler guitar riff, to the violin(?) solo filler, to the bouncy "ooh"s. It's a good album for vowels.

3) "Sim Sala Bim" - Witchcraft? I don't know. It's folky and dynamic and I love it. It reminds me of Zeppelin's "The Battle of Evermore", but with less LoTR and more Biblical references.

4) "Battery Kinzie" - This song takes a turn for the Simon & Garfunkel. The consistent harmonies and snappier tempo are pure 60s folk rock.

5) "The Plains/Bitter Dancer" - One of their longer songs, this song has a few movements. The first is mesh of vocal prettiness. The second is a Crosby, Stills, Nash, and/or Young harmony-driven mid-tempo piece marking the comeback of the rock flute. The third is another vocal pretty party, but this time with more sass.

6) "Helplessness Blues" - It's like if Bob Dylan and Paul Simon collaborated on a song and then Simon and & Garfunkel performed it. Meaning, interesting lyrics with an actual melody, and beautifully performed. But what really makes this song perfection is the breakdown at the end where the vocals go from full harmonies to solo Robin Pecknold and back again.

7) "The Cascades" - Instrumental titled for the mountains I can see if Seattle is actually sunny. Again, very Zoso.

8) "Lorelai" - Not this love song, it's full of realizations and regret, maybe. Anyway, it's beautiful.

9) "Someone You'd Admire" - This song is precisely what it feels like to be lying awake at 3am thinking too much.

10) "The Shrine/An Argument" - Another song with movements, this song is some sort of ode to a former relationship. The first movement contains the grittiest vocals I've ever heard from Robin Pecknold, and I wish I could hear more of it. In fact, this haunting part reminds me a little of Traffic's folkier forays. Then the second movement is a chugging train of anger. Yes, I just wrote that sentences. The third movement is just a complete loss of center, complete with disconcerting prog rock woodwind solo. I guess it's a deeper break-up song than "Without You."

11) "Blue-Spotted Tail" - I hate to compare again (that's not true, I'm just using the same example), but solo Paul Simon with a tinge 21st century hipster. Maybe the Shins? But mostly just solo Paul Simon.

12) "Grown Ocean" - New comparison? Fine. Brian Wilson-like precision.

Overall assessment: Similar flavor to their previous work, but more adventurous. I can see echoes of late-60s/70s harmony-driven folk rock and brilliant but sometimes distancing prog rock. I'm just glad it leans more toward the folk rock end with a dash or two of pop. Great album.

Live blogging "The Voice"

First of all, I need to confess that I've been watching "The Voice." It's kind of like a nicer "American Idol" in that they cut out all the truly crazy before they start filming, thus cutting out the schadenfreude. But mostly, I have a regrettable crush on Adam Levine who is one of the...choosers/coaches? Anyway, here we go:

:02 Review of what's happened so far. Blah blah blah, battle rounds, Carson Daly's generic voice. Hopefully I won't have to watch him awkwardly hug someone today.

:04 Christina Aguilera is surprisingly endearing.

:06 "Tone, pitch, and face."

:07 I want to know where they get this mood music. Is there a bank of music where reality shows get their music?

:08 Personal story involving the Grammy's. Bored.

:09 "Single Ladies"= yawn.

:11 Adam Levine is sporting a beard. This is delightful.

:12 Blake Shelton is making a Rocky reference. I would love it if he would narrate my life.

:16 Oh good, Frenchie won. Honestly. She's a class act.

:17 "Burning Love" by Elvis. Lol Blake Shelton.

:18 Gay Mormon! Reba! This show has everything!

:20 Blake and Reba are so wise: you're not required to do runs even if you're good at them.

:25 "Burning Love" at least is a weird choice, if not that much more interesting to listen to than "Single Ladies."

:27 I'm overwhelmed by these two guys breakin' it down.

:29 The country kid Patrick is going on. Poor gay Mormon.

:30 Adam has chosen "Leather and Lace." I LOVE THAT SONG. Ahem. I'm just glad this is a guy-girl duet.

:31 Adam once again extolling the virtues of simplicity.

:33 Stevie Nicks: "a bad bitch." Amen, Adam.

:38 This girl Casey sounds like a ditz when she talks.

:39 Except she sounds good as a singer. The guy is okay.

:40 ~Harmonies~

:41 Christina's rocking some animal print. She makes me like it.

:43 Literally went to a commercial break righat after Adam says, "So-" New levels of cheap suspense.

:47 Casey wins the round. Awesome.

:48 Cee Lo is wearing a lot of red. Literally every aspect of his outfit is red except his necklace.

:49 Monica is Cee Lo's advisor! Where have you been?

:50 "Less Than Perfect" is the worst song choice so far. Pink hasn't been good since "You Make Me Sick," am I right?

:56 Vicci and Niki are doing there best with this boring song. Mostly, they are are both short people.

:57 Awwww, they did some duet eye contact.

:58 Vicci wins. She's adorable and a little sassy.

:59 Group hugs?

Previews: "Stand by Me": gross. Cee Lo saying, "There will be blood": I'll go with it.