The Sexiest Men Alive According to Kelsy This Year

I know my readers were all, "Kelsy, when are you going to create a response post to your sister's 'The Sexiest Men Alive According to Lauren This Year' post and People's Sexiest Men Alive issue?" Well folks, here it is. I tried to keep my choices relevant to 2011 and what work these fellas did in the time. Enjoy:

Jake Johnson (Nick from New Girl, or Bootleg Ruffalo): Look, he makes Zooey Deschanel's Jess tolerable, which is a rare feat indeed.

Sexual tension and Christmas: two of my favorite things.

Donald Glover (Troy from Community, Childish Gambino, that one time his poster was in Awkward Black Girl): He manages to be dumb-funny and smart-funny at the same time.

Also, Donald took the one good thing about Bruce Springsteen (the white shirt/jeans/red thing in pocket look) and put it to work.

Ryan Gosling (hipster boyfriend/husband in Blue Valentine, impeccable dressed playboy in Crazy Stupid Love, the Driver in Drive): the kid's been all over the place this year, but he's earning his keep. Except in The Ides of March, but I'm going to have to blame that on the insufferable Evan Rachel Wood and really mediocre filmmaking.

Sporting the beard that makes The Notebook watchable.

Robert Sheehan (Nathan from Misfits, the less stupid brother in Killing Bono): I like an Irish accent and a goofy sense of humor. The curly hair, dreamy eyes, and skinny body are just gravy.

Serious face.

Adam Scott (Ben from Parks and Rec): I could watch him make an "Are you kidding me?" face all day, when he's not making cute, lovey faces at Leslie Knope.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

Mark Foster (frontman of Foster the People): This dude is the epitome of goofy-hot. He's got David Byrne syndrome on stage, but is infectiously fun. Plus, he made an adorable pair with Gabourey Sidibe in Foster's "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)" video, because two adorable people make a lot of adorable.

He also pulls off perma-greasy hair.

James McAvoy (X-Men: First Class): For smoldering eyes and great chemistry with every co-star he has ever had, from the wooden Keira Knightly to the also sexy Michael Fassbender.

THE INTENSITY IN THOSE EYES.

Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock): I just love smart assholes.

The epitome of British hot, which is another way of saying goofy-hot, but also British.

Lyman Johnson (White Jay on Awkward Black Girl): Awkward is way better than boring Fred.

Awwww.

Michael Fassbender (X-Men: First Class, Jane Eyre): For the self-assured smoldering eyes.

Mmm, disheveled 19th Century realness.

Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter franchise): For getting through puberty and turning out hot as well as being one of the few characters I still cared about by the end of Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Nice Cardigan

Damon Wayans, Jr. (Brad from Happy Endings and the black roommate from the pilot of New Girl): Talk about goofy humor, his physical comedy is perfection. Plus, he knows his Gilmore Girls.

Also loves Indecent Proposal-ing.

"Thinking About You" from worst to best

So, here's a Justin Bieber ft. Jaden Smith cover of Frank Ocean's "Thinking About You":



This is an American tragedy.

Even this Angie Davis character gets it better than these two teen heartthrobs (is Jaden a heartthrob yet? Has the Smith family forced him upon our innocent tweens enough for that to happen?):




And these sweet harmonies from Christian, Tim, Anton & Harry:




How about these guys called Twilite acoustically bringing their game:




Or even this way too attractive Gabe Bondoc and his ukulele:




But nothing beats the original:

Frank Ocean - Thinking About You (music video) from High5Collective on Vimeo.

My old roommate said I reminded her of Zooey Deschanel on New Girl

Apparently, I go around singing things all the time (pretty accurate), but I can guarantee my hair doesn't look that good, I don't have as big of a selection of vintage dresses, and I'm socially competent. I AM NOT ZOOEY DESCHANEL. Ahem. Anyway, I just marathoned a bunch of episodes, and I guess I'll go with that comparison as long as it means I can have a Nick in my life:

I KNOW. SHE'S INSUFFERABLE, BUT JAKE M. JOHNSON* IS SO ATTRACTIVE.

Just don't make me be as obnoxious as Zooey Deschanel. It would make my already depressing life that much worse. Here, let me distract you from my emo moment with this terrible shipper video:

*Or, as my friend calls him, Bootleg Mark Ruffalo.

What I learned from Babes in Toyland (1961)

1. All fairytales take place in one location: town square.

2. Talking trees aren't just for JRR Tolkein.

3. Annette Funicello has the acting capacity of January Jones.

4. 1960s children's films are probably better if you're on acid.

5. In the words of YouTube commenter slut4berniesanders :

"The worst part about having your beloved fiance die is that there's no one around to do math for you! Am I right, ladies??"

6. Good villain flunkies are hard to come by.

7. Good physical comedy is also hard to come by.

8. I'm attracted to any/all young, haphazard scientists. See also Beast from X-Men: First Class before he mutated.

Sexy Grumio.

9. Male love interests cross-dressing as gypsy fortune tellers is always a good idea. See also Jane Eyre.

10. If you're going to be villain, pussfooting is occasionally a good idea.

11. The best way to make children less obnoxious in a movie is to cut them out of the movie during key action scenes.