2011 Movie Roundup: 1-21

I figured it was about time to put my giant "what I watched for the first time this year" list to good use. Namely, subject it to my readers. Friends, I watched 129 movies this year, and, in case you're asking, it's about on par for my viewing from the last two years. Additionally, this is a good excuse to post about all those movies I meant to post about, but was too busy, unemployed, depressed, or lazy to write about. Let's go:

1. Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)-- Engaging pseudo-documentary/experiment/performance art. Good story, Banksy is still mysterious, all is right in the world.

2. Donnie Darko (2001)-- Many people tell me this is one of their favorite movies. I might say the same thing if I was 15. Delighted by the use of Tears for Fears songs.

3. Beautiful Girls (1996)-- This film encapsulates my theory about Natalie Portman: she's the perfect blank canvas for people to project onto. Here, she represents the potential for new love. Bless Timothy Hutton for making this seem sweet and not creepy.

4. Lucas (1986)-- Made-for-TV level quality about being a dork in high school starring Corey Haim. Winona Ryder shows up.

5. Latter Days (2003)-- Endearing indie romance about a closeted Mormon missionary and the gay neighbor that takes a bet to seduce him. Cheesy.

6. Heat (1995)-- I remember thinking this was good. Hot shots like Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, and Val Kilmer are in it (does Val Kilmer belong on that list? Sure. I'm going with it), but a couple of my favorite actresses, Amy Brenneman and Ashley Judd, are in this, too.

7. Blue Valentine (2010)-- Good performances, but I almost died of Too Much Hipster when Grizzly Bear's music played as the soundtrack.

8. Baby Doll (1956)-- The creative ways sexuality is portrayed in this movie blow me away. Also, can we talk about how I find Eli Wallach kind of attractive after this movie? Maybe we shouldn't talk about it.

9. Kiss Them for Me (1957)-- This came in this Cary Grant movie set my mom got from Costco. I'm afraid to watch any of the other ones in this set*, it is that bad. This was also my first introduction to Jayne Mansfield. TERRIFYING.

10. Red (2010)-- Inoffensive.

11. Amazing Grace-- A little too biopic-y for my taste, but Romola Garai and Benedict Cumberbatch make for endearing supporting characters.

12. Reservoir Dogs (1992)-- Solid film.

13. Pulp Fiction (1994)-- I still don't get what the deal was with the non-linear narrative--like, does it emphasize the chaos/randomness of the events or is Tarantino just messing with timelines because this is a movie and that's what you can do with movies?--but definitely intriguing.

14. Ghost World (2001)-- Watched this because my grad school buddy said we were exactly like Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson in this movie. This is true. Too bad the story falls apart at the end.

15. sex, lies, and videotape (1989)-- My sister has recently expressed her dislike of James Spader, saying that he's "creepy"**. Sure, he's kind of a creep, but a strangely alluring one. In Steven Soderbergh's first big hit, he's an emotionally damaged and introverted creep, and who doesn't love that?

16. Big Night (1996)-- I LOVE STANLEY TUCCI, even in this "an actor directed this movie and it's obvious" film. Great scenes of silent acting (even by gawky Marc Anthony) and also, Isabella Rossellini.

17. Ocean’s Twelve (2004)-- Yet another random gift, this time from a roommate who gave me a couple random-ass movies for Christmas. Apparently, there was a reason I didn't see this movie before then. It seems to just slog along until the finish. Not even the James Spader-like, creepy/alluring Vincent Cassel could save this.

18. Dogtooth (2009)-- Um, kind of the perfect weird movie. Quirky, but with a dark, dark underbelly. In fact, it's kind of terrifying, but it's too fascinating to look away.

19. The Virgin Suicides (1999)-- One of my favorites that I saw this year. The tone is nostalgic, sad, macabre, and sometimes humorous. To me, it is perfect--I even loved the narration. It adapts the source material well, and I have never seen Heart's music put to better use.

20. Made in Heaven (1987)-- This is one of those meant-to-be-together movies. They are the worst in the romantic story genre because it neither focuses on the exciting falling-in-love part or the mature difficulties-in-a-relationship part but instead makes us look at two boring people with no chemistry for two hours. Timothy Hutton and Kelly McGillis meet in the pre-existence heaven and then have to find each other on earth or something? I wasn't paying very much attention.

21. Jane Eyre (2011)-- Well done adaptation. Captures the horror and some of the humor of the novel.

*Of course An Affair to Remember and The Bishop's Wife are quality sappy pics. It's the other ones I'm worried about.

**And Ancient Aliens, and even James Spader as an ancient astronaut theorist. I know, I don't get it either.

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10: Week of January 7, 2012

Happy New Year, kids. What does 2012 have to offer? More of the same and some new awfulness.

10. "Dance (A$$)" by Big Sean featuring Nicki Minaj

I can't believe this is a real song.

9. "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO

Seriously guys? Stop shuffling.

8. "Someone Like You" by Adele

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

7. "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele

In case you didn't want to cut yourself enough from the last song, how about another instant adult contemporary classic from Adele. I've only heard it once, and I'm already sick of it.

6. "Good Feeling" by Flo Rida
Eeeh. Still energetic.

5. "Niggas in Paris" by Jay-Z and Kanye West

Who knew that Blades of Glory would be featured in a quality hip-hop single?

4. "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars
Middle school dance, much?

3. "The One that Got Away" by Katy Perry

Not as catchy as her other songs, so it's kind of become mediocre filler radio to me.

2. "We Found Love" by Rihanna
I keep forgetting the British accent in this video; it's so 15-year-old angst. Still some great sugar pop.

1. "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO

I just learned that these two are an uncle-nephew duo. I don't know what to do with that information, but I can say for sure that I'm continually dumbfounded by this group's success.

The Sexiest Men Alive According to Kelsy This Year

I know my readers were all, "Kelsy, when are you going to create a response post to your sister's 'The Sexiest Men Alive According to Lauren This Year' post and People's Sexiest Men Alive issue?" Well folks, here it is. I tried to keep my choices relevant to 2011 and what work these fellas did in the time. Enjoy:

Jake Johnson (Nick from New Girl, or Bootleg Ruffalo): Look, he makes Zooey Deschanel's Jess tolerable, which is a rare feat indeed.

Sexual tension and Christmas: two of my favorite things.

Donald Glover (Troy from Community, Childish Gambino, that one time his poster was in Awkward Black Girl): He manages to be dumb-funny and smart-funny at the same time.

Also, Donald took the one good thing about Bruce Springsteen (the white shirt/jeans/red thing in pocket look) and put it to work.

Ryan Gosling (hipster boyfriend/husband in Blue Valentine, impeccable dressed playboy in Crazy Stupid Love, the Driver in Drive): the kid's been all over the place this year, but he's earning his keep. Except in The Ides of March, but I'm going to have to blame that on the insufferable Evan Rachel Wood and really mediocre filmmaking.

Sporting the beard that makes The Notebook watchable.

Robert Sheehan (Nathan from Misfits, the less stupid brother in Killing Bono): I like an Irish accent and a goofy sense of humor. The curly hair, dreamy eyes, and skinny body are just gravy.

Serious face.

Adam Scott (Ben from Parks and Rec): I could watch him make an "Are you kidding me?" face all day, when he's not making cute, lovey faces at Leslie Knope.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

Mark Foster (frontman of Foster the People): This dude is the epitome of goofy-hot. He's got David Byrne syndrome on stage, but is infectiously fun. Plus, he made an adorable pair with Gabourey Sidibe in Foster's "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)" video, because two adorable people make a lot of adorable.

He also pulls off perma-greasy hair.

James McAvoy (X-Men: First Class): For smoldering eyes and great chemistry with every co-star he has ever had, from the wooden Keira Knightly to the also sexy Michael Fassbender.

THE INTENSITY IN THOSE EYES.

Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock): I just love smart assholes.

The epitome of British hot, which is another way of saying goofy-hot, but also British.

Lyman Johnson (White Jay on Awkward Black Girl): Awkward is way better than boring Fred.

Awwww.

Michael Fassbender (X-Men: First Class, Jane Eyre): For the self-assured smoldering eyes.

Mmm, disheveled 19th Century realness.

Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter franchise): For getting through puberty and turning out hot as well as being one of the few characters I still cared about by the end of Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Nice Cardigan

Damon Wayans, Jr. (Brad from Happy Endings and the black roommate from the pilot of New Girl): Talk about goofy humor, his physical comedy is perfection. Plus, he knows his Gilmore Girls.

Also loves Indecent Proposal-ing.

"Thinking About You" from worst to best

So, here's a Justin Bieber ft. Jaden Smith cover of Frank Ocean's "Thinking About You":



This is an American tragedy.

Even this Angie Davis character gets it better than these two teen heartthrobs (is Jaden a heartthrob yet? Has the Smith family forced him upon our innocent tweens enough for that to happen?):




And these sweet harmonies from Christian, Tim, Anton & Harry:




How about these guys called Twilite acoustically bringing their game:




Or even this way too attractive Gabe Bondoc and his ukulele:




But nothing beats the original:

Frank Ocean - Thinking About You (music video) from High5Collective on Vimeo.

My old roommate said I reminded her of Zooey Deschanel on New Girl

Apparently, I go around singing things all the time (pretty accurate), but I can guarantee my hair doesn't look that good, I don't have as big of a selection of vintage dresses, and I'm socially competent. I AM NOT ZOOEY DESCHANEL. Ahem. Anyway, I just marathoned a bunch of episodes, and I guess I'll go with that comparison as long as it means I can have a Nick in my life:

I KNOW. SHE'S INSUFFERABLE, BUT JAKE M. JOHNSON* IS SO ATTRACTIVE.

Just don't make me be as obnoxious as Zooey Deschanel. It would make my already depressing life that much worse. Here, let me distract you from my emo moment with this terrible shipper video:

*Or, as my friend calls him, Bootleg Mark Ruffalo.

What I learned from Babes in Toyland (1961)

1. All fairytales take place in one location: town square.

2. Talking trees aren't just for JRR Tolkein.

3. Annette Funicello has the acting capacity of January Jones.

4. 1960s children's films are probably better if you're on acid.

5. In the words of YouTube commenter slut4berniesanders :

"The worst part about having your beloved fiance die is that there's no one around to do math for you! Am I right, ladies??"

6. Good villain flunkies are hard to come by.

7. Good physical comedy is also hard to come by.

8. I'm attracted to any/all young, haphazard scientists. See also Beast from X-Men: First Class before he mutated.

Sexy Grumio.

9. Male love interests cross-dressing as gypsy fortune tellers is always a good idea. See also Jane Eyre.

10. If you're going to be villain, pussfooting is occasionally a good idea.

11. The best way to make children less obnoxious in a movie is to cut them out of the movie during key action scenes.