Troy Barnes GIF party! (co-starring Abed, obvs)

Cutest.

I wish I was this happy on my birthday every year.

Baby Boomer Santa!

Troy and Abed looking cheesy!

Awesome.

I find myself doing thumbs up like this even though I'm pretty sure no one gets why I'm thumbs-upping like a dork.

The Sexiest Men Alive According to Kelsy This Year

I know my readers were all, "Kelsy, when are you going to create a response post to your sister's 'The Sexiest Men Alive According to Lauren This Year' post and People's Sexiest Men Alive issue?" Well folks, here it is. I tried to keep my choices relevant to 2011 and what work these fellas did in the time. Enjoy:

Jake Johnson (Nick from New Girl, or Bootleg Ruffalo): Look, he makes Zooey Deschanel's Jess tolerable, which is a rare feat indeed.

Sexual tension and Christmas: two of my favorite things.

Donald Glover (Troy from Community, Childish Gambino, that one time his poster was in Awkward Black Girl): He manages to be dumb-funny and smart-funny at the same time.

Also, Donald took the one good thing about Bruce Springsteen (the white shirt/jeans/red thing in pocket look) and put it to work.

Ryan Gosling (hipster boyfriend/husband in Blue Valentine, impeccable dressed playboy in Crazy Stupid Love, the Driver in Drive): the kid's been all over the place this year, but he's earning his keep. Except in The Ides of March, but I'm going to have to blame that on the insufferable Evan Rachel Wood and really mediocre filmmaking.

Sporting the beard that makes The Notebook watchable.

Robert Sheehan (Nathan from Misfits, the less stupid brother in Killing Bono): I like an Irish accent and a goofy sense of humor. The curly hair, dreamy eyes, and skinny body are just gravy.

Serious face.

Adam Scott (Ben from Parks and Rec): I could watch him make an "Are you kidding me?" face all day, when he's not making cute, lovey faces at Leslie Knope.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

Mark Foster (frontman of Foster the People): This dude is the epitome of goofy-hot. He's got David Byrne syndrome on stage, but is infectiously fun. Plus, he made an adorable pair with Gabourey Sidibe in Foster's "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)" video, because two adorable people make a lot of adorable.

He also pulls off perma-greasy hair.

James McAvoy (X-Men: First Class): For smoldering eyes and great chemistry with every co-star he has ever had, from the wooden Keira Knightly to the also sexy Michael Fassbender.

THE INTENSITY IN THOSE EYES.

Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock): I just love smart assholes.

The epitome of British hot, which is another way of saying goofy-hot, but also British.

Lyman Johnson (White Jay on Awkward Black Girl): Awkward is way better than boring Fred.

Awwww.

Michael Fassbender (X-Men: First Class, Jane Eyre): For the self-assured smoldering eyes.

Mmm, disheveled 19th Century realness.

Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter franchise): For getting through puberty and turning out hot as well as being one of the few characters I still cared about by the end of Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Nice Cardigan

Damon Wayans, Jr. (Brad from Happy Endings and the black roommate from the pilot of New Girl): Talk about goofy humor, his physical comedy is perfection. Plus, he knows his Gilmore Girls.

Also loves Indecent Proposal-ing.

Clark Gable Realness

Robert Donat seems to be the British answer to Clark Gable's Peter Warne (It Happened One Night) in The 39 Steps, tweed suit and all. 39 Steps starts out as a fairly serious film with a few wisecracks and ends up being downright screwball, albeit with a large helping of Hitchcock's "wrongfully accused" sauce. Consider me charmed.

Anyway, here's an excuse to compare some great mustaches of the 1930s from both Donat and Gable.

Donat ended up surprisingly sassy in The 39 Steps playing against Madeleine Carroll.

Um, the most serious picture I have of Gable and Colbert.

This has got to be the least obnoxious "hand-cuffed together" story line I've ever seen. Was this one of the first?

But I think It Happened One Night wins out in the end since you get to see these two spar for the better part of the movie, what with the donut dunking and all.

JANE LYNCH WAS ON FELICITY

For, like, an episode. It was far and away the bright spot of season 4 episode 15, "The Paper Chase," where Ben is being douchey and boring about his baby with Dr. Cuddy, and Felicity is cheating on a paper, and everyone is saying too much before knowing what the situation is. (Does anyone ever walk into a room and say, "Before you say anything" or "I know what this is about"? That's just asking to make a situation worse.)

Jane Lynch: rocking the same haircut for at least the last decade.

Dangerous Mrs. Doubtfire

Tell me Glenn Close and Robin Williams don't look eerily similar in these posters. Is it just me?

STANLEY TUCCI ON THIRTYSOMETHING!

Um, pretty self-explanatory, but I'm at a place in my life where any and all appearances Stanley Tucci makes/made on TV or in movies is the most thrilling thing ever. I mean really, he made Burlesque almost winsome. So yes, he shows up in season 3 of thirtysomething. Exciting.

One of the (many) questions I have after watching The Tree of Life

How are Jessica Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard not the same person?

Buscemi Love

I celebrate Steve Buscemi over at take148.

PBS is lovely

Because it reminded me how adorable Rupert Graves is (you're still looking good, you silver fox). He plays the boss to the crazy and caustic Sherlock Holmes on House Sherlock. No really, it's basically House with British accents. Mix in some Martin Freeman as Doc Watson and of course I'm watching this.

Re: Howard Keel

Does Howard Keel always play the worst boyfriend ever? I mean, he masterminds the kidnapping of innocent women with the aid of misguided book-learning, and then he beats up his BFF and secret love, and now I find that he spanks his ex-wife on stage during a musical rendition of Shakespeare's creepiest love story?

Why are any of these women clamoring back to him. I mean, I'm a fan of a tall drink water and a deep voice as much as the next person, but goodness, there has to be a line in which you think "dealbreaker."

I don't know. Maybe if you're into the physically domineering type. And I can't say I'm against all that facial hair he sports:

And those gams! Has anyone seen this one (Jupiter's Darling)? It looks awful, in the best way possible.

While watching Easy A...

...it occurred to me that the charming Emma Stone:

reminds me of the charming Lauren Graham:

I think it's partially to do with the pop culture-laden dialogue of Easy A that matches the similarly scripted Gilmore Girls. But also just find both of them so everyday quirky-cool. Like, at some point in my life I could achieve that level of awesome if I could figure out how to say wonderfully spazzy things that would come out funny instead of weird.

Here's possibly my favorite part of the movie because this was how I spent many-a weekend in high school, sans dog:

Also fun: Ferris Buellering in the shower. I would see this movie again just to catch all the 80s teen movie references. Also, because I have a girl crush on Emma Stone. Also, because it's funny. Did I mention Stanley Tucci looks weirdly good in a Henley shirts? Overshare? Too bad, you now know I found Stanley Tucci mildly attractive in this movie. Now watch this clip of him being ADORABLE.

More Goldblum!

This time, it's Holsten Pils advertisements, which presumably aired on UK television. Mostly, they involve Jeff Goldblum delivering terrible jokes in a charming Goldblumian way. You're welcome.

German jokes!

Physics jokes!

Geometry jokes!

Salesmen jokes!

Break-up/neurological jokes!

Goldblum!

Because sometimes you need to watch obscure Jeff Goldblum movies.

Thank God It's Friday (1978)

Apparently it's Friday night and everyone is going to DISCO! Jeff Goldblum plays a womanizing discotech owner. The Commodores are there, along with countless other people in the club including the high school students who sneak in, a horny and really New Yorky guy, an uptight married couple, Deborah Winger, a manic pixie dreamgirl, the over-enthusiastic DJ, and Donna Summer. And most importantly, "the Leatherman" who has an overly long dance scene in the middle of a parking lot:

I'm not sure why this movie exists.

Into the Night (1985)

Like the last 1980s neo-noir film I watched, this movie makes absolutely no sense. Written by the man you brought the world the mediocre TV shows "Beauty and the Beast" and "Moonlight," Ron Koslow is incapable of creating a coherent plotline. Every scene brings a new villain with a new ethnicity. Two very telling things about this film: Dan Akroyd shows up for only 5 minutes at the beginning of the film, and John Landis--the director himself--plays one of the bumbling Persians. Sigh. It switches from emotionless and dull to slapstick to Jeff Goldblum's confused face to some awkward cameo. I think it was supposed to be funny kind of on purpose, but it was so, so terrible. And there's an inexplicable soundtrack by BB King.

Basic plot: Michelle Pfieffer stole some jewels or something and is now being chased by Persians/men of ambiguous ethnicity and makes insomniac Jeff Goldblum help her out. Violent/humorous moments ensue forever.

Honestly, the only highlight was David Bowie:

Side note: was Jeff Goldblum even shot on the same day as the rest of the actors when he didn't have to be? I'm going to go ahead and assume not.

Vibes (1988)

Hey look! A competently made film! It's the sort of movie I would to expect to be on Saturday morning cable in the 90s, except I'd never seen Vibes before. Here's the trailer:

All you really need to know is this: Jeff Goldblum is at his Dr. Malcolm best, albeit with less smarm. He doesn't belong in a disco or a neo-noir, he and his "what the hell am I doing here?" face need to be in comedic roles always. Another thing you need to know: Cyndi Lauper is a good actress. This role required her to talk to a spirit, Louise, the whole time, and she pulls it off beautifully. And the two of them together actually have some cute chemistry. And oh my gosh they tango.

I love comedic action-adventure.

Some great beards 5

Great beards for everyone.

1. LeVar Burton. His beard makes him child-friendly.

2. Heath Ledger. Fact: The beginning of A Knight's Tale is possibly the only time I find Heath Ledger attractive because of his looks. Somehow the beard outweighs the white-man dreads.

3. Jean Reno. Sporting a barely-there beard and gun holsters in The Professional--great choice.

4. Kyle Howard. It's from My Boys episode 1 of season 3. It's adorable.

5. Christian Bale. Reign of Fire reminds me that I like my Christian Bale skinny with a struggling beard.

Fun fact:

The same girl who graced us with the hit song "One Way Love (Better Off Dead)" from Better Off Dead (1985) while wearing a short short skirt...

...is the same girl who played Dottie and was in love with Pee-Wee Herman in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (1985):



Thanks, Elizabeth/E.G. Daily, for your great work.

Some great beards 4

Blame it on the really hot shaved-head-and-bearded guy on the bus (who I learned today most certainly has a GF...like that will stop the across-the-bus ogling), but I'm in the mood for some more beards. It's been too long.

1. Tom Skerritt While I mostly recognize him with a mustache, I appreciate his bearded captain look in Alien.

2. Paul McCartney manages to look boyish even with a beard.

3. Naveen Andrews remains the best part of LOST, bringing the badass again and again in addition to his perfect manlock-beard combo.

4. Kris Kristofferson is incredibly attractive. That's all.

5. Billy Crystal proves that even goofy guys can be hot with a little facial hair in When Harry Met Sally.

This was the best picture to show off his facial hair. Hey, Meg.

In case you were wondering

I've been in SoCal for the last week visiting my friend Shauna, and subsequently being adopted into her circle of friends. But fear not, faithful reader. I took some ridiculously touristy pictures in LA that I will share with you:

This is me awkwardly standing in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

A kind of blurry picture of Clark "So Manly in a Mustache" Gable's square.

A pretty great picture of William "Beautifully Sarcastic and also has a Mustache" Powell's square.

Shauna and RDJ. 'nuff said.

Me with another old school actor square, the lovely and deep-voiced Gregory Peck's.

Shauna's hands are the same size as Bing Crosby's. Wowza!

And...

I took this picture of gargantuan Jim Morrison at Venice Beach. You're welcome.

Incredibly apt observation of the day

From my roommate Same-Name:

It's impossible to describe Gregory Peck with any other word besides handsome.

Too manly for cute, too classy for hot. He's just handsome.

To Have and Have Not (1944)

I wish I had the kind of sexy that Lauren Bacall had at age 19 in To Have and Have Not. Apparently the secret of character of Slim was this:

We discovered that she was a little girl who, when she became insolent, became rather attractive. That was the only way you noticed her, because she could do it with a grin. So I said to Bogey, “We are going to try an interesting thing. You are about the most insolent man on the screen and I’m going to make a girl a little more insolent than you are.”

“Well,” he said, “you’re going to have a fat time doing that.” And I said, “No, I’ve got a great advantage because I’m the director. I’ll tell you just one thing: she’s going to walk out on you in every scene.” So as every scene ended, she walked out on him. It was a sex antagonism, that’s what it was, and it made the scenes easy. (Howard Hawkes, via Old Hollywood)

And also a little of this:

I used to tremble from nerves so badly that the only way I could hold my head steady was to lower my chin practically to my chest and look up at Bogie. That was the beginning of The Look. It became my trademark. (Lauren Bacall, via Old Hollywood)

I might also add that lovely low voice and the way Humphrey Bogart looks so amused at her antics. The pairing might have been creepy (Bogart was 45), but instead seems like a perfect match. And it certainly worked out for those two, anyway.