Some inappropriate crushes

After rewatching and refalling in love with William Powell in My Man Godfrey, I was reminded that my deep attraction to him might be inappropriate. Certainly he's middle-aged, and certainly he doesn't have an overt love of young women, so I'll classify my crush on him as mostly inappropriate.

But I find myself mildly to really attracted to inappropriate characters all the time. From the top of my head, here are some more:

1. Sylar (Zachary Quinto) from Heroes.

So serial killer with both mommy and daddy issues. Probably not the best pick for a person to fall in love with. Whatever. His Gabriel Gray look is adorable.


2. Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez (Mike Vitar) in The Sandlot.

(fanastic picture with pink border: via)

I only feel awkward about this because Mike Vitar was 15 when this movie was made, making him 7 years younger than I am now. But baseball shirts and bravery are eternally irresistible.


3. Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) in How I Met Your Mother.

He's pretty gross.


4. Henry Crawford (Alessandro Nivola) from Mansfield Park.

At least he's funny and reads well, despite his rakish decisions later in the film.


5. Greg House (Hugh Laurie) in House.

I know this isn't an original sentiment, but House is old enough to be my dad. Also, Hugh Laurie is an absolute goofball in pretty much every other role. Amazing what scruff and caustic insults can do for a guy.


6. Eugene "Doc" Roe (Shane Taylor) in Band of Brothers.

Awesome medic with a great accent. Although I'm pretty sure the purpose of this miniseries wasn't for me to lust after him.


7. Tom Riddle (Christian Coulson) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Sorry, but proto-Voldemort is hot in a clean-cut schoolboy sort of way.

Alright, I'm officially creepy.

Bringing Up Baby (1938) vs. My Man Godfrey (1936)

Bringing Up Baby is kind of hit and miss for me. One the one hand, Cary Grant gets to play a daft paleontologist with glasses and Kathrine Hepburn gets some fabulous one liners ("If you had an aunt who would give you a million dollars if she liked you and you knew she wouldn't like you if she found a leopard in your apartment, what would you do?") Also, Cary Grant, wearing a feminine/feathery robe yells, "Because I just went GAY all of a sudden!" deemed more hilarious by that fact that I have no idea what the connotations of "gay" were in the 1930s. Basically, Hepburn and Grant are always a delight, even in the worst of movies, so watching them is a pleasure.

Cary Grant in a frilly robe.

But Bringing Up Baby also ends up being fairly tedious. For all the funny moments, there's an equal amount of time spent running around doing nothing funny which in turn neutralizes the parts that were funny. This probably has to do with my severe dislike of comedy about stupid people. There's a reason I hated Amelia Bedelia books growing up, and that's because she was dumber than dirt and never understood instructions. To me, that's not funny, that's incompetent and tedious. (I was snobby even as an 8-year-old.) The same holds for any The Office storylines that focus too much on David Brent/Michael Scott--they're only funny when smarter people are making fun of them. In the case of Bringing Up Baby, both Susan and David are idiots, although in different ways, and for me that gets old because no one onscreen is mocking them.

Cary Grant in nerdy glasses. Adorable.

My Man Godfrey, though, I find hilarious. Certainly the film has a heavy Depression-era "do good to the less fortunate" streak that grounds the humor, but the reason I love the movie so much mostly has to do with William Powell's Godfrey. He's a smart man who has come to understand himself as an upperclass man through heartbreak and life on the streets (er, river bank). But it's his reactions to the insane Bullock family that make this film so great. He's underminingly polite, managing to make fun of the family with a straight face as their butler. (The question, "Can you butle?" never fails to make me laugh.)

William Powell being kind and condescending at the same time. Hot.

I even go along with the absolutely crazy scenes, like when Mrs. Bullock's musician protege Carlo starts acting like a monkey while Irene (Carole Lombard) has a huge nervous breakdown because Godfrey doesn't love her and there's chaos and yelling. I enjoy having an ally in watching ridiculous things happen, and Godfrey is that man in this movie. His calm looks of wonder/disdain are unbeatable. In other words, he's the Tim/Jim of the situation, and thusly my favorite character.

Classic Godfrey expression as Irene literally throws herself at him. By throwing her in the shower, Godfrey loves her of course.

But despite his intelligence, Godfrey manages to fall into an odd sort of relationship with Irene. Irene gives him the job as butler at her house after she uses him as a "forgotten man" in a scavenger hunt. She subsequently falls in love with him, even though he clearly shows no interest in her besides gratitude for the job. But they have an easy, sweet sort of chemistry despite not feeling an equal affection for each other. Their movie relationship makes sense seeing as how Powell and Lombard were married and divorced a few years before this movie was made. They remained good friends, and their comfortable real-life chemistry bleeds through onscreen. Anyway, the way Irene throws herself at Godfrey, and he calmly refuses, but doesn't completely push her away. Their proximity, their banter, their difference in wit. For whatever reason, it warms my heart.


To sum up: Bring Up Baby doesn't bring enough laughs or heart for me to care. My Man Godfrey is basically perfect.

Things both lovely and ridiculous

The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen

As is the razor's edge invisible...

Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?

And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek

*Love's Labour's Lost (2000)

The Audacity of Rock: Part 19

I'm totally going to get a girl with this song.

Since the dawn of music (probably), men having been writing songs for the ladies. The most surefire way to get your message of love to the girl of choice is to put the chick's name in the song, preferably making the name the title*. There are so many to choose from, so I picked one from the last five decades.

"Michelle" by The Beatles (1965)

Even the Beatles weren't above using a bird's name in a song--or rudimentary French.



"Alison" by Elvis Costello (1977)

This is one of my default-stuck-in-my-head songs. I'm bound to sing it to any Alison I know.



"Amanda" by Boston (1986)

If you're all, "This sounds exactly like every other Boston song, but with just hint of Power Ballad," I'm like, "That's why it's awesome."



"Valerie Loves Me" by Material Issue (1991)

Apparently bands hated girls' names in the 90s. They're getting raped ("Polly"), rejected ("Molly"), called a whore ("Ava Adore"), or fake ("Josie (Everything's Gonna Be Fine)"), but not loved. Anyway, after way too much "research" here's a 90s song that's kind of an ode to a woman. I guess.

Material Issue |MTV Music

"Kelsey" by Metro Station (2007)

It took long enough to get a song with my name in it. Too bad it's kind of a lame song, in the sense that I doubt they'd actually swim the ocean for me. They didn't even spell my name right, so whatever. They suck.



Questions to Ponder:

1. Why did the 90s hate women?

2. What happened to Jayne?

L.A. Guns |MTV Music

*I realize most (read: all) my posts for The Audacity of Rock are about dude rockers. Sorry.

Shyamalanathon 2009: The Music

This week I looked at the films of one of my favorite writer/directors, M. Night Shyamalan: The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village, Lady in the Water, and The Happening. Thanks for bearing with me. I hope people rewatch some of Shyamalan's films. He's a fantastic filmmaker who, in my mind, has had only one real misstep with The Happening. The rest of his films accomplish their goals well, and I enjoy going along for the ride with him.

To finish off a good week in movie watching, I want to feature one of my favorite things about Night's films: the music.

James Newton Howard composed the music for all the films I watched for Shyamalanathon 2009. He's a brilliant composer who creates a sense of genre, time, and mood without being overbearing. So, have a listen to some beautiful and oftentimes frightening music.

The Sixth Sense "Main Theme"



The score is so gorgeous and sad with a hint of haunting. It just sounds like it should go with a ghost story: the piano playing a repeating melody of a few notes on top of an orchestra playing in a minor key. The resolving chords at :40 are my favorite.


Unbreakable "The Wreck"



Probably the most epic and cinematic of the work Howard's done for Shyamalan. It builds up to a heroic theme, but with plenty of melancholy dissonant chords. This is goosebumps and tears in the eyes music.


Signs "Main Titles"



This is the music that you hear at the beginning of the movie during the titles. Absolutely creepy. The driving pace of the music adds urgency to the film, making it much more suspenseful. The slides and on-edge violins just add to the creepy level.


The Village "Those We Don't Speak Of"



This is a suprisingly earthy soundtrack that features tribal-like percussion and a melee of insturments to create tension. I mostly love the soundtrack for the gorgeous 19th century-sounding theme and expert violin solos by Hilary Hahn (which is in the second half of this track), but the scary stuff on the soundtrack is uniquely frightening.


Lady in the Water "The Great Eatlon/End Titles"



This is a bit of a dramatic track toward the beginning, but the payoff is gorgeous. Never fails to make me cry. Have I mentioned I'm a huge instrumental music crier? The whole score for the film is just magical. And this ending music brings in the theme we hear from the beginning to full force and then resolves it to a calm end.


The Happening "Main Theme"



The music is by far the scariest part of the film. The ominous low horns, the strained solo cello, and the building tempo and volume. Perfect, except the movie didn't meet the greatness of the music.


Bonus scene from The Village:

Those We Don't Speak Of come into the village one night. Here's the music I featured earlier in the post, but with visuals is even more stunning:


Can we talk about the hand holding here? The multiple shots, the slow motion. It's basically a Korean drama. This is just to say I love it.

Shyamalanathon 2009: The Happening (2008)

This week I'm looking at the films of one of my favorite writer/directors, M. Night Shyamalan. So far I've reviewedThe Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village, and Lady in the Water. This is the last film review I'll be posting; a wrap-up post of odds and ends will be posted tomorrow. Spoilers follow.

Quick synopsis: Some sort of airborne toxin is causing people to kill themselves. Most signs point to the plants being the culprits.

Something is just off about The Happening. I don't know what it is, but it is not an effective movie. It's not particularly scary. It's not particularly interesting. I don't really care about the characters. It's not even so bad it's funny. It's just bland. I was excited to rewatch The Happening to see if a second viewing would give me more perspective like rewatching The Village did, but it was just as lackluster as I remembered. Now it's time to speculate why.

Alma (Zooey Deschanel) and Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) staring into the distance. Are they scared or just bored?

The biggest thing that makes this movie so disengaging is the characters. Shyamalan in his other films manages to quickly establish likable and interesting characters in the first few scenes. Something about the writing and the performances in this film didn't engage me, except two scenes where Mark Wahlberg gets to be funny by talking to a plant and later telling his wife about almost buying a superfluous bottle of cough syrup. But Zooey Deschanel is pretty dull. I'm not sure if I would have thought the same thing if a more present actress was in the role of Alma, but it seems like she doesn't have a lot to do. Her declaration that she can't express emotion is about as nuanced as Cameron Diaz's inability to cry in The Holiday, meaning it's not. These two are supposed to be married, so I feel like there should be a connection of some kind, but it doesn't show. Unbreakable was effective in portraying a marriage on the rocks because I felt like Bruce Willis and Robin Wright Penn had a comfortable chemistry. The Happening just doesn't have any character spark. What happened?

I think a big part of these dull characters has to do with a lack of room to develop scenes and moments. The beginning feels pretty rushed, at least in getting to know our main characters. Elliot (Mark Wahlberg) fares better because we see him as a teacher, using his best "say hi to your mother for me" voice. But our introduction to Alma is through other people, specifically Elliot's BFF Julian (John Leguizamo) expressing concern about Alma's commitment to the marriage. Cut to her inability to press "ignore" as her phone vibrates from a call from some guy named Joey. Honestly, besides a few expository explanations for her behavior by herself, we don't really see her be anything except kind of dull, although cute in her halter top-only wardrobe. We don't see Elliot and Alma share any extended exchanges, and we certainly don't see a long take scene of them conversing that's so effective in other Shyamalan films. Were scenes cut out? Were the actors ill-equipped to handle the material? What happened?

This guy shot himself. That's kind of creepy I guess. Where's the hot dog guy? He's creepier than anything else in the movie.

It seems like the aim of the violence in The Happening is to be shocking, but my reaction to it ranges from vaguely fascinated to laughing out loud. Part of that has to do with the fact that most of the suicides are of characters we don't know. This is also known as Beginning Sequence of Saving Private Ryan Syndrome. You're not going to get any reaction out of me besides "Huh, his duodenum is hanging out of his abdomen" if you don't give me a reason to care. The violence later in Saving Private Ryan works because we've gotten to know these characters and care about their lives (which is why Band of Brothers is a more effective portrayal of the horrors of war since it spends more time with the characters, obvs). Same with The Happening. When Julian gets infected and kills himself, it's kind of disturbing; he was the only character I cared about in the first place. But watching some random guy make a lawn mower run over himself is suprisingly not that scary, but just silly. Maybe more mood music was needed--maybe even more blood--but it didn't do anything for me. What happened?

And finally, I find the threat not threatening. Plants rustle in the wind and people kill themselves. Plants blowing around is such a passive threat. Suicide is passive, too. I needed more of something to be freaked out. Whether that was a more psychological approach or a more aggressive symptom. Maybe if everyone acted like the crazy old lady who lives alone in stead of just giving up on life. The deaths were so quick and passively observed, they didn't affect me. I don't think that makes me a horrible person; I think it means The Happening didn't bring the scares when that seems to be its goal. What happened?

John Leguizamo, you still have my heart. Mark Wahlberg--sorry, your brother did way better in a Shyamalan movie.

Maybe I just can't figure out what the goal of the film was. Was it supposed to be straight up scary? Because someone feeding themselves to lions is kind of funny. So is it supposed to be funny? Because you're not really offering up very many moments that are funny. So is it supposed to be a character study? Because I don't care about these characters because they don't seem to care about each other even if they keep saying they do. Is it supposed to be an environmental message? Because the cause of "the event" isn't really clear. I'm at a loss. It's not a completely bad film, but it's not that good either. It's just blah.